Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[EliseSunflower]

Hi @Determined, thank you so much for joining us tonight.

It sounds like you're providing a lot of care at the moment. I can imagine that would take a lot of time and energy. It's great to hear you are studying and working a little for self-care - that can make such a huge difference in wellbeing. 

[EliseSunflower]

Thanks to everyone who's joined so far!

My next question is a sneaky two-parter: When did the person you care for first experience symptoms of their personality disorder? What support did you provide, or did they access, at this time?

[Determined]

@EliseSunflower

My wife was first diagnosed (or at least I was first aware of the diagnosis) about 5 years ago. She was initially diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder shortly after we were married 18 years ago.

She was diagnosed with post natal depression after our first child was born (13 years ago today), midwives were quite concerned over what for me was normal behaviour, which progresssed to major depression.  Things progressively deteriorated over time after that until the BPD diagnosis and further since that time. 

Shortly after we were married I did some dr google resarch and wondered about Bipolar but when I mentioned it for investigation people thought I was making things up and they couldnt posaibly be that bad so nothing ever happened.  I didnt press it as I was also trying to protect my darling from stigma. 

[EliseSunflower]

@Determined

Unfortunately it can take a long time to reach the right diagnosis - which can be frustrating and confusing. Dr Google can definitely be helpful at times!

Did she access much treatment or support before she received the diagnosis?

[Determined]

Support from me at the time was creating an enviornment where she did not have to work. One part time job she did have I arranged and was able to work along side her and support her when it was too much.   Support over time increased as her coping ability decreased.

Medically innearly years she was treated with mild antidepressant. Began seeing a psychologist after S1 was born and eventually within 12 months of that a psychiatrist. 

In the last 12 months there have  been numerous hospital admissions to a private mental health unit. 

[Determined]

I am unsure if it was the psychiatrist or psychologist who finally gave the BPD diagnosis as I was kept on a need to know basis, it was actually one ofmmy wifes friends who told me after attending an appointmentwith her.  Darling clearly did not understand or didnt think it was important enough to tell me. 

[EliseSunflower]

@Determined Your response is feeding a little into my next question, which I'll post in a minute for anyone else who may be interested in participating . 

What sort of part-time job did the two of you work in at the time? That's great that you were able to work alongside her.

What have her experiences been like accessing the private mental health unit?

[EliseSunflower]

For anyone reading along - next I'd like to talk about treatment and support, in general.

There is a large variety in the types of support available - for example, some people access financial and housing support, mental health services, or support groups. What sorts of treatment and support services has the person you care for accessed, and what have their experiences been like? 

Also - have you sought treatment or support yourself relating to your role as a carer? What have you found helpful? This may include formal treatment/support groups, but I'm also interested in things like sleep/eating, hobbies, apps, friends and family - whatever you wish to talk about!

[Former-Member]

@EliseSunflower
Mr Darcy has been was given the PD diagnoses by different pdocs in the same public health treating team, after some hospitalisations following deteriorating mental health with anxiety, depression and impulsive behaviours - going AWOL and increasing suicidal ideations. The treat team apparently had a number of differing opinions and Mr D was proving difficult to diagnose. After I became his carer (could see Mr D was not managing on his own) a pdoc told me to look things up I found there was a lot that had not been said and there were behaviours that were likely symptoms that had been missed. I put together a concise chart of symptoms, drugs and Mr D's response to them. The BPii diagnosis followed this which is 'complicated by PD'

These diagnoses were never given to me by any pdoc. They appeared in mental health tribunal correspondence but at the time I did not understand what it meant. Some of the information about his diagnosis was given to me following a complaint about lack of communication - by this time it was emphatically stated he did not have BPD.

[Determined]

Part time work was as a cleaner in the offices where I worked. Kind of a right place right time thing. 

Mixed experience with private access to mental health services but significantly more positive than when we tried to access hospital in public system.

Previous psychiatrist I felt resented my input and even suggested I was the main problem, current psychiatrist is happy to listen to me.

Darling was happy with all bar the last hospital, admission in the private ward. She spent ~4 months in hospital last year. Last admission may have been harder for  as I had her admitted and didn't visit as often as I was too fatigued to make the trip daily as I had previously.