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Something’s not right

skyehaven
Senior Contributor

Self harming and suicidal thoughts

My self harming was less often the last couple of weeks, a few days on, few days off.  I had dog shows this weekend, I cried all the way there yesterday, but got better as the day went on,, my mood dropped last night and I self harmed, today I started off ok  then as I got tired at the show started to feel empty.  

After I got home I got an overwhelming feeling of dreading facing another day tomorrow, I just don't want to exist anymore, I just don't want to do it anymore, I have self harmed quite a bit tonight.  I will survive and get to tomorrow, just wish I didn't have to.

19 REPLIES 19

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

Sorry to hear that SH visited again. @skyehaven

Maybe the stress of the shows undermined your earlier good reserve.  

It is good to know that you can make yourself safe in the short term.

Living the life worthwhile ... is the challenge.

I am never cocky that I have put it behind me forever, in case I slip up again, but I feel life is worth living, so that helps, and growing older & wiser can be calming.

Take Care Apple

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

Hi @skyehaven

The last we spoke you were self harming more than once a day and you went a few days without it all together. That is an amazing start and achievement. Well done.

How is the psychology sessions going?

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

Things have been so difficult for you this weekend @skyehaven. You've done so well to reach out for support and to do what you can to keep going. Just to let you know, I've sent you an email to check in. As a reminder, if at any time you need immediate support please know that you can contact Lifeline 13 11 14 or Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467. Take care of yourself 🌻

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

@outlander the psychologist appointments are going ok, it's a lot of talking therapy.

We discussed when I first self harmed and how it was when someone who had been really supportive abandoned me after we had a falling out, and how even though he became quite nasty about our falling out, and I don't know w by at I did wrong, yet I begged and groveled for forgiveness. He cut me off from Facebook and blocked me from messenger and blocked my  number.  It was the first time I harmed.  Then my work mates abandoned me as well. She asked if it still hurt, and I just started crying and did for the rest of the session and was pretty emotional for some time afterwards

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

sounds like youve been covering alot @skyehaven its good that your talking to someone. it sounds like your slowly working through things and the reasoning behind your self harm which can be quite helpful. i hope she/he is teaching you some coping techniques too

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

Lots of work to do, self harmed again tonight, 4 days straight.

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

@skyehaven how are you going?

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

@outlander  I had to go to the ED again a couple of weeks ago, for wound care.

I am still self harming more days than not.

My psychiatrist was considering putting me back in hospital, but is still trying to keep me out. He is pretty concerned about my intent at times.  I still see him and my psychologist every week.  He is getting 2 colleagues to see me in a couple of weeks, for another opinion and has increased my medication.

I have self harmed again tonight after not doing it last last.  I will have to get an independent assessment at some stage, my lawyer is organizing this, to see if I qualify as a seriously injured worker.

Re: Self harming and suicidal thoughts

thats quite alot to deal with @skyehaven
sorry you are going through all that.
maybe hospital isnt a bad idea if things arent helping much on the outside.
i hope you can get some compensation for your injuries. im not familiar with that part though.

perhaps @Appleblossom would have some ideas too...
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