Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

Last night I reached a point I wished I didn't. I am not even sure where to go to from here. I'm guessing at least people know how I feel, including those closest to me now.

Last night around midnight I broke. Something inside of me just snapped. The culmination of emotional distress and physical agony (from my nerve damage in my jaw) got to me. I admitted all this is affecting my mental health issues. I admitted to my Mrs I feel very suicidal.

She stayed awake with me until I managed to drift off into sleep, trying desperately to call on-call doctors (she rang six of them and none could come out). She wanted to take me to my psychiatrist today for an assessment, but I don't think hospitalisation would help. I am in emotional and physical agony (I have a high pain tolerance due to numerous piercings and tattoos), but I cannot tolerate this. I was in tears for four hours. I hadn't slept in days (mostly because the non-prescription pain medication I was recommended had high doses of caffiene in them, causing me to become alert, anxious and irritable).

I'm trying my best to hold everything together. My replacement cheap laptop last night broke and because I need a computer for my course, the MIL bought me a new one and I am paying her back at $150 per fortnight. Fair enough I guess and I am very thankful of her generousity. I really don't want to wind up in a psych ward because I don't thinkit would prove helpful. I need the physical pain to subside, so I can then de-stress. I also don't want to wind up dependant upon painkillers which I imagine would happen if hospitalised. 

I'm broken, confused and most of all weary. Where do I go from here?

[Ant7]

@Queenie Hi it sounds like you have a lot going on with you no wonder it is getting to you and your at breaking point.

Did you get to see a Dr of any kind today? Is there any other medication that you can change to that might help with your sleeping? It sounds like you have a nice partner there that really cares for you. I do hope you have a better night and your more at peace. You are in my thoughts ❤️❤️❤️

[Queenie]

Hey there and thanks for thinking of me and replying @Ant7. I've been awake all night again tonight, but thankfully there hasn't been any meltdowns as yet. I see my GP in a few hours for my fortnightly depot antipsychotic. I am going to ask for better pain relief and perhaps something to help me sleep. It's been literally days and days since I last slept, so hopefully something will come out of the appointment. The paranoia is really unsettling and I think (I cannot be sure) that I am having some sort of mini-crisis. I can never gauge these things until after they have passed and I pause to reflect some. My Mrs is coming to the GP appointment with me to discuss her concerns regarding my suicidal ideation. She knows I don't want to go into hospital and agrees that if I can get appropriate medications for pain relief and sleep, she knows I'll be okay.

[Ant7]

@Queenie I am sorry you didn’t get any sleep again that’s never good. I hope your GP can help with your meds and you can get something for sleep hopefully this will help you with the other issues. I am glad your partner is going with you it is obvious she cares for you and she can help to get your message across to your GP. I really hope this is a good day for you you are in my thoughts again today ❤️❤️❤️

[Queenie]

Well I've been diagnosed with acute neuropathy (in other words severe nerve pain). I was placed on stronger painkillers and have to have a jaw/skull/neck x-ray to check there isn't a compressed nerve causing the pain.

When I saw the GP this morning I was quite animated and elevated, so the GP has increased my meds with a view to them being more sedating and leading me to sleep. I did tell him about the suicidal ideation and he has asked my Mrs to keep an eye on me and if it gets worse either contact him or contact my psychiatrist immediately.

I actually like this GP, I've not seen him before and he was really kind and understanding. 

[Queenie]

I just had an attack of agony in my mouth from the neuropathy. 

I was. told this could continue months and even years unabated by the GP. It's not something I am prepared for.

I am really struggling here. What do you all think, my friends?

I am literally thinking of exit plans.

[Acacia]

@Queenie, that sounds really painful. It sounds like there's a chance things will feel a bit better with the new meds.

I'm worried to hear that you're thinking of exit plans. Is your Mrs around and keeping an eye on you?

[Acacia]

@Queenie I have also sent you an email to check in.

[Queenie]

Thank you @Acacia. I appreciate the check in.

I am going to do a bit of a more formal check-in with my Mrs when she has a moment away from the MIL. 

[Ant7]

@Queenie hi did your Gp prescribed anything for that? Is there anything they can give you to get through the pain? Sorry I didn’t respond earlier I didn’t get any notifications ❤️❤️❤️