Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[jenss1]

Hi everyone, Sorry about the long message - first time poster and didn't know whether back ground is important...

My partner has been experiencing severe anxiety for several years. Previous to us being together he was self medicating with AOD - this is no longer his strategy and he's been doing all the right things (psychologist, exericse, eating healthy) but I'm really struggling to support him lately.

He experiences episodic waves of severe anxiety where he's highly agitated, and he's unwell most of the time (episodes might last between 1-3 weeks each time)

He's refusing to try medication because his parents put him on medication when he was a child when he did not have a choice, he's attributing his mental illness to being prescribed these medications. So I'd say there is some trauma around medication maybe..?

I want to uphold his autonomy as much as posible but I feel like after a couple years of this it could be time to try something new such as a low dose of meds, but he's just refusing and when I bring it up he gets very angry... I'm really struggling to cope after all this time and questioning whether I can continue to live like this...

Has anyone ever had a conversation about medication with their loved one when they were really resistant to the idea?

[Margot]

Hi 

I'm Margot - one of the community Managers here. Welcome to the forums 🐼

I can really hear how much you care about your partner. I'm picking up on how tough it's been for your to support him lately too. It can feel quite exhausting to be in that space.

It's hard for us as support people at times to come up against resistance around our suggestions. And sometimes the more we insist on something, the more our partners pull back. Sounds like that might be the dynamic that's emerging for you. 

It seems quite important that any decision around medication needs to come from him. That can be hard for you as a support person, feeling like you don't have much control over things. While he might not be open to medication at the moment, his views may change over time. And it could be the case too that for him, medication isn't the right path for him for now (even though for you it feels so obvious to you that it would help). 

I could be wrong, but behind your words I can see a strong desire for something to change and for him to get well again. So rather than being necessarily about medication, perhaps what you’d really like to see is for him to get well. If he isn’t open to medication at the moment, I wonder whether it’s worth focusing on other things that you might be able to do to support him in his recovery? This may help him to trust you so that he is more open to your suggestions and support. And then down the track, you could gently return to the topic of medication where appropriate.  

In the meantime, It’s so important to look after yourself too.  We have some great info here around self care. And I’m sure our other community members will have some words of widom in how to move through this difficult space. Take care @jenss1 Wish you all the best with your partner🌻

[Former-Member]

Hi @jenss1

My husband (Mr D)  is medication compliant quite likely because of injury due to an attempt and us explaining what a bad place he was in (he does not remember how bad things got as he has memory loss too) 

I am very cautious as Mr D suffered terrible side effects due to many med trials during a long crisis period when he was a "diagnostic perplexity".  

Being Mr D's enduring guardian (and he relies on me to understand and advocate for him) I very much demand to know on what diagnosis treatment is being based,  expected benefit vs risk,  how long before benefit is expected to be evident and when a review is to take place. I will produce scholarly articles questioning efficacy, I will explain both sides of the coin for Mr D for him to decide.

Your loved one might be more amenable to trying a medication if he has similar information and understands that he is able to weigh things up for himself with all the appropriate information available. It might also be wise to get a pdoc assessment and diagnosis,  have an open conversation about what happened previously and importantly, no pressure to fill a script without adequate consideration. 

Darcy

[Former-Member]

Hi @jenss1

How are you going?

[jenss1]

I am okay thank you for asking

My boyfriend is okay at the moment and we are going to therapy together which is helpful

I have been reading the posts but I never know what to write back

Everything is okay at the moment but I know in a few weeks time he will get really sick again and I’ll get triggered we will just be in the same place

[Former-Member]

@jenss1

A few of us on the forum are familiar with the roller coaster of MI.  As a carer, learning how to manage ourselves so that when our loved ones have ups and downs we can remain steady and not be dragged down when they have episodes. This is referred to as self care and involves ensuring that our emotional system is strong so our shoulders are broad enough to  allow us to continue to care for our loved ones.

[Former-Member]

@jenss1

I don't know if "integrative psychiatry" might be of interest to you.