Lived Experience Forum

[Coco-]

I think I have PMDD. I'm 25, been on birth control  for 5 years, so I don't get a "real" period. But I do get severe PMS, and it feels like it's getting worse. I say I have PMDD, but I've never been diagnosed or really sought treatment for it. But in the week before my period, I get incredibly moody. Last night I was enraged at my husband for something very small and stupid. But the rage was that whole body trembling, don't know what's going to come out of my mouth, wall punching screaming rage. This is very out of character for me, because I am usually calm, cheerful and non confrontational. But when that rage comes over me, I really don't feel like I can help it. As unreasonable as I know I'm being, I feel helpless. And today, instead of rage, my feelings are like a card house. My husband just told me the table was dirty, and I had to hide in the bathroom to cry. I've been on the verge of tears all day for no reason. Last month was the same thing, and all I did was cocoon myself into the couch the whole day, because I was so overwhelmingly depressed. And I'm very scared of pushing my husband away, because I know he thinks I'm crazy and so do I. He avoids me and snaps at me, which I completely understand but also makes me feel so alone. Or if I'm enraged, so much more enraged. I lash out at my dog too, because he's weaker than me. This is the main reason I'm not having kids, because I'm such a bully. I'd make a deplorable mother. (My husband has kids already so it's fine anyway. They don't live with us.) And this time, the symptoms have started a week early, which is unbearable. I'm trying very, very hard to be normal, but like I say, I feel very helpless before these feelings.

I do plan on seeking treatment for this this month. I've been on anti depressants on and off for years. Mostly off, because I make the mistake of stopping taking them after I feel like I don't need them anymore. Clearly I do. I just wanted to get all this off my chest. Thanks so much for any advice.

[CheerBear]

Hi @Coco- and welcome to the forum. How are you going today? I hope it helped to get that off your chest. Sometimes I find it can help me to write/chat about things that are going on and get them out

Really sorry to hear about what you've been going through. PMS can be a real problem for me and I can imagine how hard PMDD may be. At times I question it for myself also. I often experience a big increase in depressive symptoms with PMS and find myself more agitated and irritable than usual (and my usual isn't exactly great). I've tried medications but can't manage and tolerate the side effects well enough for the benefits to outweigh the problems. It's so frustrating!

It's good to hear that you're going to seek treatment for it. Do you have a GP you can talk with about it? A psychologist may also be able to help too.

Wondering whether you use any strategies for managing some of the big emotions you feel during those times. There's a thread here on the forum that has lots of coping strategies including mindfulness activities, distractions, breathing exercises etc., some which may be helpful to try.

I don't have any advice but I did want to reply to say I hear you and I often hear of others struggling with moods and emotions related to hormones and PMS. It can be a real issue and challenge. I really hope you can find something that helps soon.

[s-jay]

Hi @Coco- - how have you been? it's really impressive that you are planning on seeking treatment this month.. What's you plan? Are you going to see a GP or a specialist?