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Having the bad thoughts again

HI 

I am new here.

I don't fully know what to say but I have bpd and I am really struggling with those dark thoughts. The emptiness. The lonelines 

I am 29 and I have 2 gorgeous young children and a loving partner and lately I been really struggling to find anything to get rid of the bad feelings. And then today I found out a good friend from school that I haven't talked to in years ended his own life a few years ago. I remember talking him out of it way back 15 years ago.

Everything is just getting to me and I feel so useless and lost and empty. And the bad thoughts seem so tempting now 

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Having the bad thoughts again

keep fighting the feelings man. I'm new to this also. The dark thoughts are suffocating but there is always hope. Go see your GP and talk about it. Listen to relaxing sounds like rain and  breathe heavily. I hope you start feeling better bro.

Re: Having the bad thoughts again

I moved states and don't have a gp any more.  My.old gp I had seen for my whole life. I moved 3 months ago and haven't had a chance to find a new one. 

Re: Having the bad thoughts again

Hi @Emo_forever - welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out and sharing what's happening for you. 

 

There are a lot of people here who can relate to the tiring feeling of fighting bad thoughts - it can really wear you down. Sounds like a bit of change has happened with a move and finding a GP would be useful but again another task that might feel a bit hard when you are struggling. @sas32 has offered some great advice - have you tried many coping strategies in the past when things feel like this?

 

You might find some helpful things in the area of the forums calling Looking after ourselves also a good thread to read through is Coping strategies 

 

While you are finding a GP - I just thought I'd share some useful helplines you can talk to if you feel like you want some one on one support (I know I just shared some of these with you too so here are some different ones @sas32 😉)

 

Mensline 1300 78 99 78 

beyondblue 1300 22 4636

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

 

 

Re: Having the bad thoughts again

I tried the live chat last night. Waited over an hour and no professionals were available. Unfortunately for me I caved to my old habits. 

I gave up self harm around 8 to 10 years ago I think.

Back to day 1 I guess. 

But this time I only did a few small light ones. In the past I used to sit there for hours doing it. I have had stitchea this time it was basically a scratch. I'm just scared it's gone a get worst and my partner will find out. He doesn't understand these things. He honestly believes it weak and may posSibyl be angry at me. He has never experienced me doing it so I don't know how he will react. 

I'm just so scared and lost I don't know what to do. Plus I'm 29 and I feel like I'm being a child. Is it normal for a 29 year old to still feel emo. And still want to do self harm. I feel like it isn't but I can't find a way to cope with these deep feelings. the depression. I'm also depressed because I am 29. I have found myself wishing I was 16 again. Not because I feel old but because I don't feel like I have changed since then at all. And I miss my dark days of sitting alone in my room. 

For urgent assistance, call:

 

Mental Illness Fellowship of Australia (NT), MIFA(NT) is a non-government organisation providing services for people living with a mental illness and their carer’s and families. 

 

Image credit to Louise Denton Photography

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