Lived Experience Forum

[Margot]

When you've lived with MI for many years, it makes sense that the line between you and MI has become pretty blurry - perhaps it even feels non-existent @greenpea. 

In a weird way, I imagine it might feel a bit daunting to even consider being separate to MI after so many years - despite the challenges it can throw up. It's been such a big part of your experience, and your story.I wonder whether other member's might be able to relate to that too?

Although it's hard to percieve a separation, it might still be there, somewhere, in a hard to find place. And maybe the 'you' that you find, will be different to the 'you' that was there before MI. I guess we all change and grow with our life expreinces over the years in that way. It would certianly make it tricker to notice the difference between MI thoughts, and yours for sure 🌻

[greenpea]

@Margot I have only been diagnosed with mi about 7 years ago ... but the hallmarks were there now that I look back in time just weren't picked up. Post and prenatal depression, depression and si as a teenager, anorexia alll these things combine to change what a person could become ... that does sound bleak doesn't it..... On a bright note nothing is set in stone either with new medications and sites like this things are far less bleak than what they once were for sufferers of mi 🙂

[Snowie]

I have only lived for MI just under a year now, although I agree with @greenpea, that there were signs even before hand. I can now see the way I acted/lived through my earlier years and teens makes more sense now.

I think that whatever sort of growth or recovery I make, there will be always be part of me that remembers my multiple trauma's from childhood and adulthood. I don't think I can differentiate between myself and MI anymore.

@Margotalthough I am trying, it is hard not to act on those thoughts when they are constantly screaming at you, it is all you hear in your head. 

[greenpea]

@Snowie Hi Snowie yes it gets embedded into your body and mind doesnt it ...

[Margot]

That makes complete sense @Snowie. The positive parts and the more difficult parts of our lives will always form part of our life story, and shape the people we become. 

I imagine it's so exhausting to meet that challenge of trying not to act despite the volume of the thoughts. Sometimes that trying is all we can do, and perhas all we need to do, in those moments.  

[Former-Member]

hello @Margot

i’m dirty and bad
i don’t deserve to be here
i’m a failure
nobody wants me
i don’t fit in

i have been told that they are lies, but i’m not so sure.

[Queenie]

The biggest lie my mental illness has told me was that life is not worth living. I'm still struggling to find the truth (that is, finding a life that is worth living), but bit by bit I'm getting there. I guess I'm my own worst enemy @Margot.

[Margot]

Those thoughts sound so distressing @Former-Member Particuarly during those times when your mind is finding it so hard to dispute them. The fact that you're not so sure if they're lies or not, might be the thing to focus on in those moments; erring on the side of caution, and choosing to hold them lightly rather than buying into them fully. 

I'm glad that the process of discovery is helping you to connect with the reasons why your life is worth living @Queenie It's certianly true that, for a lot of us, we tend to be harsher critics of ourselves than we are of others. 

[Former-Member]

@Margot i try but my brain does not work when i’m upset. and when my brain works i’m not sure. i try. i wait that one day it gets better. nothing else to do but wait.

[BlueBay]

@Margot
I'm hopeless
I'm bad person
I'm not coping
I don't want to be here