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BluJay
Contributor

Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

Hello,

I’m new here, and maybe not particularly great with introductions in my current state of mind. I’ve struggled with mental illness for over half my life now, moments where I felt I was “rid of my illness” only to heavily relapse two years ago which doesn’t feel it’s getting any better.  I see my psychologist as often as I am able but this can sometimes be a 6-8 week gap between appointments. I have been prescribed medication but I fail to take it properly so it has no real affect aside from making me sick. 

I have a partner and 7yo daughter whom I honestly feel would be better off without me most the time. 

 

As each day passes I feel more alone than I did the day before. I don’t have a very stable family and they all live a reasonable distance from me so I can’t really talk to them and I generally feel like a burden. I have a select couple friends who I don’t want to drown in my despair, but also don’t know the extent of my mental health. 

 

I just wish wish I had someone to relate to, someone that I don’t feel like I’m drowning in my day to day struggles and issues. 

 

Todays a bad day, I had a awful dream that I know is not real, but it heavily triggered me from the moment I woke up, I have not been able to pull myself from bed since I woke at 6am it’s now 11am. I did get up and put myself in the shower with intentions of getting dressed but I just came back to bed and cried. I was meant to have plans today, well I do have plans today, but I can see no point in doing anything. I love coffee, I love video games, I love cleaning and it’s such a beautiful day outside but I don’t even want a coffee or to focus on a game or to clean my shower like i was going to. I’m meant to go meet my partner and we are meant to go out and visit our friends, all I want to do is sleep. I don’t want to sleep because I’m tiredness I just want to sleep because I don’t want to feel like this. My eyes feel puffy from crying, I feel selfish, I hate against myself because I forever wish to be “normal”. It’s just getting so much worse and days like today, just make me wish I wasn’t me. 

 

Why do I feel like im the only one like this? Am I alone? 

15 REPLIES 15

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

You are not alone @BluJay. Many of us struggle to even get in the shower on a bad day.

You said you had a relapsed 2 years ago. I wonder what helped you before?  Were you taking meds before?  Seeing your psychologist more often?  Try to think back and work out what helped last time. Maybe try those same things again now.

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

Hi @BluJay I'm glad you found the forums. When I read:

"I just wish wish I had someone to relate to, someone that I don’t feel like I’m drowning in my day to day struggles and issues" it really resonated with me. I find that here; it has been wonderful to be among accepting, understanding people. I hope you can find the same. The struggle is hard, but you are not alone.

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

@utopia my life style and life circumstances changed dramatically a couple years ago I became a single mother and went through a very ugly break up which triggered my anxiety to go bananas and it severely esculated from there, I changed careers, my daughter changed schools, amoungst other stuff.

I’m trying really hard to change my thought patterns and my current psych is amazing and very understanding we are staring schema therapy this week, so I’m hoping this helps a bit more. I had a much better day Sunday, Saturday I just woke up really sad and I couldn’t find joy in anything. Thank you for your response ❤️

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

@frog thank you, I’m finding that everyone seems to be pretty supportive. I’m not amazing with consistent contact, I can go MIA for a couple days as I get a bit over whelmed and resort back to my safe shell. Thank you for the reassurance, it’s so easy to feel isolated ❤️

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

@BluJay. That is a lot of big changes you've gone through.  No wonder you feel overwhelmed at the moment. 

I've heard of Schema Therapy, but know nothing about it. But I do hope it works for you. 

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

Hello @BluJay

Hope you get some relief somehow. There are good people here and a good culture. I had a very long period where my eyes were a puffy mess, and tears would burst at the drop of a hat. I  have learned to manage it now.

Take Care

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

@frog @utopia @Appleblossom sorry I went a touch MIA. Been a emotional past week, I got to see my daughter over the weekend (I have 50/50 custody with daughter) but we had just changed from me having her between 70-90% of the time so I’ve been emotional about her growing up.

My bosses have me feeling stuck and lost at work. They’ve changed my job responsibilities, took a position away and replaced it with another I’m not comfortable with parts of the job. I.e. they’ve put me in what’s essentially involving cold sales (I am not good at that it sends my anxiety crazy, like sweating, rushing talking, fast heart beat, hot flushes) I spoke to one boss (their a couple) and her friend whom is also heavily involved in the business from a behind the scenes scenario, about how this part of the job makes me uncomfortable to be met with remarks like :
“You’re too negative, you need to be more positive”
“Everyone gets uncomfortable in their job”
“You just need to do it”

Plus a bunch of other remarks which are very hypocritical and hurtful. I do overtime I don’t get paid for, I have currently three job titles which sees me doing day to day operations, administration, business development, marketing, business coordinating, function coordinating, writing procedures and policies, invoicing and more. I’m met wth in realistic demands in unrealistic time frames.

And when they are pushing me to cold call business in person and via phone call and it makes me worry before I even get to work. I’m looking for other jobs, I’m just heart broken as this started out as my dream job (originally hired as event coordinator and venue manager).

I realise I’ve just blurred out a lot. I got to see my psychologist on the weekend which I loved, she’s the first psych I’ve ever had that I am excited to go see or want to talk to, she’s the first person to help me find answers about myself I’ve always wanted to know. Like step by step but but by bit. I really hope by sticking with her I can help work on balancing my emotions better and notice when something triggers my schemas. I just really wish more employees were more understanding about mental illness, just because you can’t see the physical signs, doesn’t mean it’s not tearing us apart inside, and feel like we are hanging by a tether.

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

So glad to hear about your psych @BluJay It makes such a difference when you get a good fit. I've had the same one for more than 4 years and he's a godsend.

Anything to do with kids growing up is emotional for me too. It's bound to be an adjustment with the change in custody arrangements. How old is your daughter (sorry if I've already asked - sometimes I lose track).

 

Your work stuff sounds very hard. It sounds like you're somewhat taken for granted. It can really feel like a loss when work's been good then things slide. Job hunting is quite draining too - hope it goes well for you.

Re: Feeling Alone & Overwhelmed

@frog no I completely understand about forgetting things I have been forgetting everything lately! My girl will be seven on Xmas eve! She’s so big now! It’s been making me teary lately!
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