Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Fake it... it’s supposed to do me good, so I try to do some of the things people suggest are good or I used to enjoy. When does the point come where it gets better? I feel more like I try and try and break down and give up.

I’m so sick of either letting people down or covering up my miserable face. 

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[bean]

@Former-Member

I so get what you are saying so much that I could've written it myself. I pretty much can't remember a time when I wasn't "faking it" to the outside world, and what I so don't get is when people, Dr's, health professionals tell you do things you used to enjoy or keep up social contact etc when feeling down... For me doing this seriously makes me feel so much more worse.

I have tried to put on the fake smile and attend things that I used to enjoy or participate in only to have it finish get in my car and break down completely because it just makes me feel 1000 times worse because I didn't get any enjoyment out of it what so ever!

[Spida]

I can totally relate to what your saying. I don’t usually respond to messages but this is me everyday. I wear a mask for everyone and it’s so tiring, so much so I’m close to the point of not functioning anymore and giving up. I feel as though i don’t get anywhere with any of the suggestion from my GP and Psych Appts that I tell them what they want to hear now and just keep the mask on. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this as it’s exhausting and affecting me as a mother and an employee. I feel your pain and totally understand and wanted to share that your not the only one. Good luck and hope you turn a corner soon and can become the real you

[Chamomile]

Hello @Former-Member,

Thanks for sharing this. It sounds very hard, not just the being unwell, but the pressure to pretend that you are OK. Is there anybody in your life who you feel that you can be completely yourself with? Or maybe even an activity, that makes you feel genuinely connected, as opposed to just trying going through the motions because you were told that you should?

I remember a little while ago you wrote a beautiful poem. It made me smile and it stayed with me. Is writting a space/ activity that can sometimes give you a break from the stresses that you described?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Spida and @bean

sorry you’re going through similar experiences. I do hope we all get a break (through) soon.

Hi @Chamomile

to be honest there is no one where I can just be me, for many reasons.

I find connection in art, writing too. A few hours rest from my spinning head.

[Former-Member]

The real problem is @Chamomile and @Fredd50 is that when I deeply think about myself, who I really am and where I belong, I start a riddle I cannot escape and then I get very tired of life in general. So I’ve been told ‘not to think’ and to distract. But how long to distract before you give up? I am tired and there are no answers.

[Spida]

Thank you @Former-Member but if I’m honest I’m really struggling and not sure I can keep up the charade anymore. It’s so exhausting and I can’t be honest with anyone as to how much I’ve really had enough. Nothing helps and I’m not sure how to get out of the darkness anymore. Maybe this is how it’s always going to be??