Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Hi @Starta

I read back on some parts of your thread this morning and I see that you were married at 18 and that your husband was everything for you and you can't get past his death - and this is really hard

A lot of people have answered your post and you are back today which is good - the Forums help me a lot and it's keeping in touch that's so important

I see you find it hard to live for yourself but also that you have several grandchildren - as hard as it is to refocus your life with your grief for your husband that is what you have to do - and I am divorced - I had been living in an empty marriage for a long time and I do remember how I had to change things and make a life for myself and I understand - it is really hard

I get it that it is really hard for you to get out of the house right now - but what comes to mind is all your grandchildren - can you find a life for yourself being in touch with them.

I see your sons are in touch with you often - maybe they are grieving too and  could really use a guiding force in their lives and it might be a long term exercise but trying to build bridges with your family is a start

And it's not easy - it is never easy - it is worthwhile because you are a person and you have a right to have your own life

It's hard starting and again - I do care about your change in circumstances

It's actually called "The Empty Arms" - I have been through this - when you care for someone for a long time and they die your arms are empty - and it's very bleak and lonely

You find yourself with nothing to do so often after working so hard - I get it

Dec

[Shaz51]

Morning @Starta

[Determined]

@Starta sorry Indid not get back to you yesterday, you were in my thoughts. 

Trust today is a better day for you. 

[Starta]

Hello @Former-Member...just calling in to say hello..sweetheart...where’s there’s a will there’s a way..thankyou...bbl....sending love and hugs 💜💜🤗🤗..

[Former-Member]

@Starta G ...............  Oh dear ... I cannot stop the tears.  I've been feeling so terrible all night. Do you like my profile pic?  This is my beautiful Holly.  Please no rush to get back.  I just feel so much better knowing I'm not completely alone. 💜🤗

Thanks for tagging me onto this thread too. I had read some of it a long time ago I think, but then could not find it again.

Oh ... happy days!  Later .... any time.

Sherry 

[Starta]

Same here sweety.. too many 😭 are falling a lot...

[Former-Member]

 Good evening @Starta.  I think your weekends are pretty much  free time for you at the hospital?  I hope you're able to spend time doing something nice. I heard that you are having roast chicken for your dinner tonight.  I am too.  I hope the person in charge of the potatos does a better job of things than last week.

Starta, I am a bit concerned at BB where members are  asking questions in support of me and even questioning safety or security. I have never questioned the safety of them there. Merely the fairness of their treatment of individuals, where one rule exists for some and not for the rest.  It really is not worth making public declarations of support for me. Much as I love you all for trying, it really is best that you dont. Last thing I want is for you (or anyone else) to be cut off from your chosen support. I would be devastated if that were to happen. BB offer a lot, as do all MH forums. I would not be so devastated about being booted out if I did not thing they were worthwhile. Although it also has a lot to do with the people themselves, of which you are one. Special Starta .. very special indeed. There is a lot involved in this mess I find myself in. Put simply, I'm considered a rogue ex-CC, under a different name then of course. I tried to make things better last year, but sadly I failed and resigned amidst some bad blood with some. I tried to post there this afternoon, but its not appeared. Clearly I'm on hold, though not cut off yet. To do so would not look good I guess. That will likely be reviewed tomorrow. Interestingly my earlier posts remain for now. Given so many have already read and responded, they probably decided it best to leave them, or it would look like a cover up. I'm really sorry I've inadvertently got you involved. I only wanted to let you all know I was safe, though unable to respond. Now due to the latest discussions there, I think I have caused some major fallout. I hope not, because it was not intended.

Thankfully I have always found SANE to be very supportive, friendly, non-political and with no backroom niggle or personal agendas which could adversely affect we the members. They are a very well run organisation. I wish all Forums were run as efficiently and fairly. Being moderated 24/7 also makes a huge difference to safety and smooth running. Something you dont get everywhere.

Starta I am sorry your hospital stay has been increased, likely by a week or two I think you said?  Its likely the extra week is needed because of the changes to the meds you've undergone. And I guess the extra week or two will have a positive effect for you. It does sound like you're making progress .. walks, breakfast, therapy sessions.  I think you're ticking a lot of boxes. Go you!!  Happy to talk any time Starta.  Please keep well and do what you need to in order to get home to your little doggies.  Love and hugs to you dear friend.

Sherry 🤗💕💜🌺👂

[Former-Member]

Good night @Starta.  I hope you sleep well tonight. I know they place a lot of importance on sleep when it comes to combatting depression.  I am so needing a decent sleep tonight ... so I am off to bed now.

Perhaps we can talk in the morning if you have any free time in between everything else they have you doing there.

Much love and a gentle hug coming to you.  Sending you a beautiful and restful starry night sky to look upon. It may be a better view than you currently have. I will wish upon a star for you gorgeous.

Sherry 

[Former-Member]

Good morning dear friend @Starta. You've been quiet the last couple of days. I hope you are okay?  Are they continuing to work you hard there? I'm happy to read that you will not be spending Christmas on your own this year. I feel sure all this hard work you are doing now, and the sacrifices you have made, will be repaid with much improved mental health and wellbeing. I'm grateful indeed that you have been provided with this opportunity. 

Your dinner there last night sounded nice, quick and nutritious. Its good to see that they also concentrate on basic self care and the importance of healthy eating. It is important. I know myself, lack of sleep and lack of adequate food, combines to bring me down very quickly.

I am continuing to read your thread, and Deebis too. I was deeply touched when I read her mentions of me. She is such a thoughtful lady and good friend to many.

Starta, I am not in a good place right now, so may be a bit quiet for a bit. Thankyou for reestablishing contact here again. I think it was back in January that we last spoke here. So its been a while. Im grateful to still have contact, but I will understand if you change your mind. Also, if you get sick of my daily messages here, just let me know to back off. I dont want to overwhelm you.

Have a good day Starta.

Sherry 💕💕

[Starta]

Hello @Former-Member..it’s okay, I. Just really not feeling good after the psychiatrist visit yesterday....I have been told that the units close down for 3 days, because they feel I’m unsafe to go home, they are going to have me stay in the acute (forced) ward until they re-open..I’m scared they might forget I’m upstairs and leave me there...I don’t think I’ll tell Deebi, I don’t want to spoil her holidays..Ilol see how I feel....She is coming down from mania, so she’ll be doing it really hard now for a few weeks..

Im sorry sweetheart that your not doing so good..if you need to talk..I’ll be sitting with you.today...

Take good care of you dear friend...

Love and hugs...💜💜🤗🤗,

Starta..