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13-11-2018 09:20 AM
13-11-2018 09:20 AM
Anxiety and anger
I am not coping ok atm. I am someone with anxiety and insecurities and alot of anger ever since i was 20. Ive had a lot of disappointment in my life growing up and neglet. 4years ago i met who i see as the love of my life. Just from spending one night with him i decided to pack up my things and move cities for him. Even if it meant leaving my family to a place where i knew noone and had noone just to be with him so i did. Ofcourse it wasnt how i had imagined it to be. 6months on and he still didnt know what he wanted. And i was strung along waiting for him to want me not knowing he was pursuing other woman. Deep down i knew i shouldve let go but i didnt want to so i stayed and put my heart through that pain not knowing the damage it had created to my self esteem even more making me feel worthless i felt like i had to compete to have his heart when a girl should never feel that way she should just feel wanted and loved and not having to fight for it. Eventually i gave him the choice and told him either u want this or im moving back home. And he chose to pursue me. We have been together since and he has fallen inlove with me but now i cannot shake or let go of how he made me feel from the start and how he treated me. Even though he has done nothing but try to earn my love and trust back i cannot let go of the past. I am now 8weeks pregnant with his baby and this pregnancy has been nothing but anger and resentment for me because i feel as though im trapped. I know he wants a life with me everything but i have this fear of getting hurt again and now more then ever with this child. Why was i not worth it to you from the start? Why did u make me feel like i had to compete for your love? Why did u make me feel worthless and even more insecure about myself?. We fight all the time about the same shit and i feel as though im losing my mind. This unborn baby doesnt deserve to go through any stress and this pregnancy should be nothing but a happy pregnancy but i dont know how to calm my mind and not worry and stress and let go of all that has hurt me out of fear. Im lost and still angry and still upset
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14-11-2018 06:04 AM
14-11-2018 06:04 AM
Re: Anxiety and anger
Hi @Birdie25 and welcome to the forum.