Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Feeling your pain @Smc 

I have felt embarrassed by the state of our place at times but also know how overwhelming things can be when our lives are thrown by mental health crises; everything is just too hard.

[Smc]

Thanks @Former-Member. So good to be able to "fess up" with people who actually know what it's like...

[Shaz51]

Hello @Smc, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Determined, @Faith-and-Hope, @frog, @greenpea, @Former-Member, @Teej, @outlander, @Snowie, @Adge

well getting rid of a few things bit by bit but it seems i have as much of a mess that i started with

ohh well keep on going , maybe see the table and the spare bedroom again

the other night at 9pm Mr shaz says the spare bedroom smells a bit moudy , so the next day i threw everything in the wash

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

Bingo - it's those small irrelevant decisions that make de-cutterling so difficult 

And life must go on - I found a bunch of stuff under the big bag I keep my Christmas Tree in - I found some writing I had been looking for there - how long is it since I had my Christmas Tree up?  A couple of years at least - 

I have been going through that corner in my other front room - and I have found all sorts of things worth keeping but then - I hardly ever wrap Christmas Presents - I get someone else to do it for me - so the Christmas Paper and tags went out last week

I know you have a lot of stuff you don't know what to do with in your own house and where you are now - I remember you said your mother used to buy things for the sake of buying something - I guess most of these things can go to the Op-Shop

It's hard work and discouraging as you have all the things you need to do for your Dad too

Wow Lapses - I am thinking of how much time there is making those irrelevant little decisions - 

Dec

[Smc]

@Owlunar@Former-Member, one of the conclusions that my sister and I have come to re. decluttering our parents house is that Mum finds buying things comforting. She used to often buy little knick knack thingies for me, too. Some of them I liked, others weren't to my taste at all, but the hard thing is that it was her way of saying she was thinking of me. Honestly, I would have preferred more frequent phone calls from her.

A lot of Mum's bits and pieces came from the op shop to start with. Some will get sent back there, others may be too junky to be of interest to them. But she did find a few lovely treasures as well.

I enjoy an op shop forage myself (hate pretty much any other kind of shopping... except bookshops and garden nurseries); but nowadays more often than not, I'll pick up an item, and think "oh, there's probably one of those in Mum and Dad's house/shed" or "is nice, I don't need it, it can be someone else's treasure".

I did go to a couple yesterday. Bought nothing in one; in the other, got a couple of plates that matched ones at home to replace breakages, some CD recordings done by a friend of ours who is a professional harpist, a couple of interesting books, a divided storage box for beads, and some wire fruit baskets that I use in the garden for bulb planting. (You sink the basket into the ground with just the rim showing, and plant the bulbs inside it. That way you don't lose track of where they are when they go dormant.) Am happy enough that all of that will go to good use, and even help with getting things into order.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Smc

Thanks for that very interesting post - a bit of a look inside someone else's life is interesting - and knick-knacks - the world is full of them and some are valuable in different ways

I collect crystal and before my mother went into care we went to her house and she had various items out for us to choose - I am glad she did that because when my parents' house was sold I didn't get to look through it and choose anything else I would have lliked and she had a lot of crystal

As well as crystal (which I have displayed behind glass in my wall unit) - I also collect owls, shells, interesting stones, some books and movies - I don't save anything I am not interested in

My daughter said once that I am the only Cancerian she knows who collects but doesn't hoard - her father hoarded - a constant battle ground between us 

I used to say of my ex's hoarding that people gave him stuff to give it a good home

I am pretty sure there is a fine balance

Thanks for sharing

Dec

[Smc]

@Owlunar, I think the dividing line between collecting and hoarding may be in being able to distinguish between what is valued and what isn't. That may not have anything to do with $$$ value. (Like you said, things you're interested in.)

We saw that happening with our Dad has his dementia progressed. He's always been a collector, and has some very interesting collections. Stamps were one of his areas of interest. He'd buy all new releases from the post office, including pre-stamped envelopes; but then he started saving all envelopes, including boring window envelopes from household bills and suchlike. He was very tidy about it, and kept them all neatly stored in boxes, but they had no value or beauty, unlike the pre-stamped envelopes, which are often very attractively designed.

[Shaz51]

My daughter said once that I am the only Cancerian she knows who collects but doesn't hoard-- I am the same @Owlunar

[Owlunar]

That would be right @Smc

Collecting becomes hoarding when what is saved has no intrinsic value - my daughter has a collection of guitars all of which have special meaning for her and no - there are not stacks of guitars - maybe 4 or 5 on stands were they are appreciated and she plays all of them

I used to collect stamps when I was  younger - and I collect the first day envelopes too - I did not continue and had my collection valued and financially it was not much but it could be in the future - my son-in-law collects stamps so I gave it to him

Collecting envelops - that would be the line - but your father was tidy about it - that's important

Dec

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Owlunar, nice to see you here :). I know you can relate to the decision making mental roadblocks, especially decluttering. How soon did you part with your son's stuff? I haven't cleared my girls room yet - 7yrs 😞 How am I gonna do that?
Yep, daily living needs are propriety. Today I've prepared 3 meals, washed, hung, folded & bought in x4 loads washing (all dad's inc the many towels), not put away yet. I've helped him change, and will need to again before bed, and give his pills, make his bed & check his BSL shortly... it's never ending.
Hi everyone else here, gotta go, back later 🙂