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FrankyW84
Senior Contributor

Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi There,

 

I just signed up to this forum today. I am a 34 year old male, married and have a successful corporate career and own my own home in a very expensive property market. To the outside world I seem very together and most people would not pick up that I have had years of struggling on and off with my mental health issues.

 

After years of recurring anxiety, depression, irritability and periods where I use to feel "hyperactive"; I was recently been diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder. Although this has been quite confronting this diagnosis does makes sense.

I, like most people, went to get help when I was feeling especially low, yet by the time of my psychiatrist appointment my mood was quite up(his words). After 2 sessions the diagnosis of Bipolar 2 was eventally made.

While I have a really good support network and a lot of people who want to help, I do not know anyone who has experienced or is experiencing what I am going through.I feel my biggest challenge at the moment is acceptance of the diagnosis. I find myself struggling, questioning every thought and every emotion I have and not sure where the illness starts and where I begin.

 

I am gradually increasing the mood stabiliser I have been prescribed. I at times feel this is working but I have had days where I am incredibily hyped and others where I am quite low.

Being Christmas time, my alcohol intake has been quite high with many many Christmas parties which I feel is also impacting my mood.

If anyone has a similar experience or anything that they could share, I would be very grateful.

Regards,

Franky

50 REPLIES 50

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi @FrankyW84 and welcome to the forum.

 

I don't live with bipolar (though it has been questioned as my symptoms appear similar at times) but I can relate to the challenges you are facing in accepting your diagnosis. Like you, I found it confronting and had difficulty as I questioned what was mental illness and what was not. I've lived with mental health challenges for quite a while and still find myself wondering at times whether what is happening for me is because of those challenges or if it is just part of being who I am naturally. That questioning and second guessing of myself has been a difficult part of my experience. 

 

While this stage of your journey might be challenging and confronting, it is great that you have a psychiatrist who has listened to you and picked up on it. Many people struggle to have their experiences properly recognised and understood which can make treatment less effective (sometimes completely ineffective and/or totally uhelpful), and helpful support difficult to find. 

 

The forum is a little quieter than usual at the moment, however this is a great place to connect with other people who share similar experiences. There is a discussion here about managing bipolar 1 that you might like to check out and post in if you're feeling up to doing so. There may be something helpful for you in that discussion even though it is about bipolar 1. You can also use the search function to find existing discussions about bipolar 2 (or any topic you might be interested in) and introduce yourself here which can be a great place to 'meet' other members.

 

Hope to see you around 🙂

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi CheerBear,


Yes definitely positive I have gone to the right psychiatrist, unfortunately though it has taken 13 years to get to this point with misdiagnosis of anxiety disorders and depression along the way.

 

Appreciate the links and totally understandable the forum is a bit quieter at the moment, due to the time of year... I think that is what has sparked me though is the fact I am off work for a couple of weeks and have much more time to think about things.

Thank you again and hope to catch you around.


Regards,

Franky

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi again @FrankyW84 and nice to see you this morning 🙂

13 years to get to this point is a long time! I imagine there may have been quite some frustration at times during those years for you.

It makes sense that with time off work you've found yourself having more time to think about things. Wonder how you're feeling about that? Sometimes I find quieter/down time in thought helpful but other times it can lead me down a bit of a twisty path.

Just a tip - you can tag people if you'd like by using the @ symbol in front of their username. It can help to see replies and posts.

Hope your morning has started well 🙂

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi @CheerBear,

Thank you for the tip. Yeah it has been frustrating but to be honest I just kind of accepted it. it is interesting though, I exercise quite a lot and am part of a run group(which is how I started my morning).

Its interesting though having kind of level energy, for all of my life I go through periods where I am quite energetic and other times I can barely function(which goes with Bipolar I guess) but the last few days being somewhere in between is kind of new to me.

I would agree with you on the time to think. I think I probably need it, but also need that interaction to get everything out. I am adding a psychologist to my plan next year so hoping that will help. I also am looking at groups that I could join next year which may help too.

Thank you again @CheerBear for responding(especially at this time of year). I hope you enjoy the rest of your Saturday and look forward to chatting again soon.

Regards,

Franky.

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi @FrankyW84,

 

I am not Bipolar, but I understand how hard it is to come to terms with an incurable medical condition. Especially something as stigmatised as BP. And especially if it starts taking things, people, experiences and just plain life, away from you. I also understand how awful it feels to have some of your autonomy taken away from you and treatments administered that you'd rather not dabble in given the choice.

 

For 13 years you have been coasting along in the land of socially acceptable mental illness. That's what websites like Beyond Blue are for. It is no walk in the park having to come to terms with having something more misunderstood, and dealing with people's ignorance. 

 

All I can say is that human variation is an absolutely incredible thing. You may not be doomed, even if you feel like you are. I know that the label is daunting and scary. But at the end of the day, like a lot of us, you are probably going be on the spectrum a little bit, in the sense that your symptoms will be different to another mate that may have the same diagnosis, and even more frustratingly for some people, your response to the meds may be the total opposite.

 

Despite not being Bipolar I have had incessant and chronic insomnia that wound me up in hospital. Docs start running outta options pretty quick and only have a certain number of options in their medicine bags.

 

It sounds like with the meds you are still adjusting. And unfortunately it can take weeks for these things to kick in and settle. I let the Docs do chemistry experiments on me for roughly about 8 years. I'm never want to be a know-it-all, and I was happy to give things a go, I respected the fact that they had studied for 15 years to be a qualified specialist, but it had to be as long as I got results. The lovely ladies and gents in the Department of Neurology also asked me would I like to take the little pill known as the Limousine everyday of my life for a smooooothe ride. I declined on the Limousine. But for you, I think those leather seats and black tinted windows probably need some more time to figure out if they are doing you some good. It's very frustrating how slow the process is. At the end of the day it's only you who knows, and you have to weigh up the side effects with the benefits, and communicate this to your doctors. From memory I think around the same time I was given what half the world is on, but I refer to as Sarahs-Hell. Everyone reassured me there was nothing to be scared of, half the world was on it, and I promise you, promise you, promise you, this will knock you out and you will sleep like a baby. Within about 40-80 minutes Sarahs-Hell just about had me up at The Gap in Sydney and I was on the phone to my family in the middle of the night. Despite everything that I have been through, until my breakdown in 2016, would you believe that I have never experienced those thoughts. It gave me the scariest, weirdest thoughts, and the speed with which they came on was terrifying.

 

It can be a really rocky journey. And one that you should never be left alone to do by yourself. Make sure that you check in with your psychiatrist regularly. Out in the community people push the meds they are on, onto you. They tell you because it worked for them, it will work for you. But at the end of the day there is tremendous variation. I seem to have one of those tummies that sets off reactions like you're pouring a glass of vinegar over a little pile of Bicarb Soda, and the mad brain reactions to go with it. I know the Docs cost a bomb, but you have to be careful and monitored.  

 

I think that you are being really smart getting a psychologist. It's great to have someone to talk to about the embarrassing and shameful stuff that can come with having a MI. 

 

You said: I find myself struggling, questioning every thought and every emotion I have and not sure where the illness starts and where I begin.

 

A lot of us struggle with this @FrankyW84. Is my irritability and short fuse my MI or am I a horrible person? Is my sex life impacted or is this just me? Am I allowed to be vivacious and funny and loud and happy, or will everyone assume I am in a manic stage? You will come up against a lot of judgment and reductionist kinda people. But that's just ignorance.

 

But I understand your sense of loss too. I get plagued with thoughts, who is my authentic self? Is there any part of me that is authentic anymore. This is why I think it's great you're choosing to see a therapist. To talk all of this out. 

 

Sounds like you have a great support team which is great Franky, you don't want to be navigating this alone. And if people are wanting to help you that means it doesn't freak them out. Which is really positive.  

 

Hope the Limo ride goes well for ya. You're doing amazing having a corporate job and being able to experience the satisfaction of being financially independent and self reliant. 

 

Good Luck,

 

Corny

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi @Corny

Thank you so much for the detailed reply and sharing your story it is much appreciated. I am sorry you had such initital bad lucky with medications. It sounds like you are doing much better though which is good.

Yesterday I increased my medication, as per my psychiatrist's advice. Yesterday I felt incredibly doped up to be honest and spent most of the day in the recliner or in bed staring at the ceiling(so glad I am on leave from work at the moment. The fog in my cleared in the afternoon and I was able to do a session at the gym which aslo helped.

Today seems to be better and I started the day with a session with my personal trainer which went well.  I think you are right though about this medication I am starting to feel better then I was from it, just a little slow, which I am hoping will pass.

My moods seem to be a lot more even. I actually cannot remember the last time I actually felt so stable. Unfortunately it means the excited, hyper, party hard side of my personality is part of the illness.

@CornyCorny and @CheerBear just wanted to thank you both for replying to me. I think there is still a number of things I need to do to process my head around to combat this illness, but just wanted to let you both know how gratful I am for your advice. Happy New Year to you both.

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hey @FrankyW84 and hi @Corny 🙂 Love the profile picture Franky!

Good to hear today is a better one for you.

I started a mood stabiliser for the first time not too long ago before needing to stop suddenly, and am now starting back on it again. After a month I am about 2/3 of the way to where I felt it was therapeutic. I'm finding it has helped me feel more stable too, though it has taken some time. I take mine in the evening as it can make me a bit zombie-ish and in a fog as you mentioned, especially when my dose increases.

How do you feel thinking that that excited, hyper part of you is part of the illness? I find I am probably pretty naturally 'bouncy' and don't want that to disappear completely but my naturally 'bouncy' can turn into excessively supercharged easily which is not fun. Supercharged is some of what I am hoping the medication may tame a little. That and a tendency to hit some very dark and twisty lows at times.

It's a tricky balance! Great that you have some time off work to give it a chance to settle for you.

Hope you have a great new years eve! It's good to see you here 🙂

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi @CheerBear,

Happy New Year! Yeah the profile pic kind of sums me up to a tee!

I always felt my personality was a bit on the hyper side as well, but I am now wondering if that was part of the condition. I also feel that with the medication I am taking I am going through gradual dosage increases which is having some side effects(mostly feeling foggy and doped up)

 

I was actually at a party last night for New Years Eve and one of my friends repeatedly was asking me if I was ok because I seemed really down when in fact I just felt completely middle range, not happy, not sad just nothing really.

 

I guess time will tell for both of us right. I think worse case scenario it might dial us down a bit but imagine the core component of our personalities will remain...

Regards,

Franky

 

 

Re: Recent Diagnosis Bipolar 2

Hi @FrankyW84,

 

You're doing amazing to get out into the gym. It's not easy increasing medication. Some of the side effects can be so awful. And no longer having autonomy over my body was a sore point for me. But there is a need for it and you have to surrender a little bit unfortunately. But some people get incredible results, and can work 50, 60 70, 80 hour weeks once they get used to it and stabilise, and unless you tell people, they would never even know. Other people really suffer and go around in circles of the 'treatment resistent'. You sound really high functioning but I'm sure you're still coming to terms with it. You'll probably miss the purity of the sensations. That's what others who have the same diagnosis have told me. Even though the meds can even them out, they have days when they miss the highs and the lows, cos in a messed up kind of way life felt large and dramatic. We all can do with a grandiose sense of self some days just to survive the people who put you down and hurt you. Nothing wrong with that!

 

Bipolar is in my family. A close mate of mine is Bipolar. She's the only friend I have who I can talk to who get's it. Who get's what it feels like being taken to hospital, who understands actually embodying the shame and not just intellectually empathising that it must be hard. Even family don't get it. You have to live with the condition to understand. She's a good bit older than me, and she said when she was my age she simply couldn't accept it. And she fought her condition for years. Even now, she has times when she can't accept it. I think I will oscillate for years, depending on what else is going on in my life and how robust I feel. 

 

Be careful who you tell. I wouldn't tell anyone at work. Even if you tell someone and they are lovely & understanding, unfortunately they talk to other managers and may gossip with subordinates, and that is not always a good thing. In the end its up to you, but it sounds like you may not need to, and even though its slow, you are adjusting, saying that you can't remember the last time you felt this stable. That's great!

 

Good luck and happy NY @FrankyW84

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