Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Appleblossom]

I can relate to the pig sty. .. lol ... Ours is loose control ...lol ...not too bad, but I would like it better.

@greenpea Thats great you can use rental inspections to manage son's room.  My brother moved out of owned houses into rentals, so that he could use external standards to leverage and manage his wife's hoarding problem.  It is still bad and he died 2 years ago now, so I guess she "won" ... but it is tragic really.

@Dadcaringalone  Yes picking our battles and being firm about the ones we choose to follow through with.

DId the arresting police come to realise the situation you were in?

I have had difficult situations like that to manage with my brother and sister,

[greenpea]

@Appleblossom Yes my son hoards all sorts of stuff ....and draws his room is full of paper atm but I am not too worried will fix for next inspection 🙂 and he is very agreeable to it so that is good. Sorry to hear about your sil's hoarding problems your brother must have been a saint it is very hard to deal with.

[Appleblossom]

@greenpea   My son wont let things get too bad. I own house and have put limit on wet towels ... which create mould and hygeine hazard, and limits to food in bedroom.  Chnaging bedlinen etc

Spousal relationship is very different to parental relationship.  I do not think that point is made enough in mental health circles.

In his last 2 years of cancer. He had a separate fridge in his home office to be able to have some food hygeine.

Btw in last post I was referring to 2 different brothers. One died of suicide in 90s, the other  made millions and died of cancer.  

[Dadcaringalone]

@Appleblossom

The arresting officer had absolutely “no” understanding for the suffering he had caused to me, my son and daughter! He was more concerned with his arrest quota for that month. I had post traumatic stress because of this, my daughter had nightmares for months which may have led on later to her own depression and a type of copycat suicidal ideations from the ekder brother she she looked up to which no doubt stemmed from some of these experiences and my son just ran anytime he heard a police siren or delusionally thought they were hunting him down! The whole experience showed me how ill prepared the police are for dealing with mental health. Apparently they only receive 1 day training about mental health and I would say a large majority of their policing activities have a mental health component. Applebloisom, I agree that spouse relationships and I would also like to add the negative impact on other children in the family does not receive enough emphasis in mental health circles.

Most probably like the majority of you, I just can’t live and function in a pig sty, but if I don’t clean then it will just stay like that forever. I gave up long ago on venturing into his room. He recently cleaned it up after being on new medication and he found more cockroaches than I knew you could keep in one room. When he was living alone last year he went thru a stage of just chucking out everything, including pans (one was a really expensive one I loved!), pots, glasses, cutlery and everything else that needed to be washed instead of cleaning them! We still don’t have any replacement knives so I have to butter my vegemite and toast every morning with a spoon. After I got angry with him about that he changed to just using party paper plates and plastic cutlery which go straight in the bin after eating. Instead of washing socks and underwear he used to just throw them all out after a few wears and buy new ones from target and Kmart. @greenpea my son also hoards and can’t seem to throw out boxes. Recently a well-intentioned Occupational therapist who he liked told him he needed a hobby so now he buys new electronics which comes in boxes at jbhifi everyday because he thinks electronics is his hobby. He’s converting the whole house to a smart seamless house with lights, google chrome cast etc and its absolutely driving me crazy because you have to use voice commands for absolutely everything including for late night visits to the toilet. I find it pretty manic and sometimes I feel like I’m living my life in the reality which he has created.

Best of luck to you all, stay brave and hope we can all maintain our momentum. Sometimes I just feel like a break or a brief bit of relief from this slog! Why is life so tough with a son who has Schizophrenia?

[Appleblossom]

That is disgraceful re arresting officer. @Dadcaringalone

Part of my reason for being on forum is to highlight areas that need improvement.  The police ought have at least a 2 month training for mental illness. Yes I know they probably spend a part of each shift on MH related issues.

I know sibling issues are underrated.  I spent a bit of time dealing with 2 sibs in psychotic states when we were young.   Another reason I am here. It is tough.

[Dadcaringalone]

@Appleblossom

Thanks for your reply Appleblossom and especially for flagging that there is something seriously wrong with Police training concerning MH. Its great that you are here to highlight areas which need to be improved. In an attempt to work towards this impovement may I ask you how you believe this can be achieved? One area I have been looking into recently is summarized in the following link http://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-20/edition-5/diagnosis-special-issue-part-5 

where Rufus May the only Psychologist I have found who has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia explains some of the social challenges which need to be addressed to deal with such issues socially. I have noticed that personally when you receive a diagnosis of schizophrenia for your loved one you often feel hopeless as the psychiatric establishment has given a label which helps them treat the positive/negative symptoms of this socially perceived illness. But “Labels are for Cans Not People”! While May here describes that many of those experiencing such realities prefer to describe them as gifts! My own son described his voices as becoming quite addictive and they only came out to help him at times of hightened social stress. He was even able to solve multiple rubix cubes in his highened  state by memorizing the algorithms which I found borderline genius. My carer Psychologist commented to me recently that those who are highly functioning with Schizophrenia are unfortunately not adequately catered for by the establishment. Maybe in Australia as a multicultural country we need to collectively explore this in more detail? I have seen that such abilities in other cultures are often understood as enhanced capabilities to see other realities and consciousness in a different way whether that be religious or spiritual. Anyway Appleblossom, I don’t want to go too far with this but just flag it as a new area to be explored. I realized recently that when we met my son’s psychiatrist he seemed to be hopeless with any possible improvement in my son because he was only looking at my son with of his psychiatric diagnosis glasses on of my son with his symptoms which he clearly said doesn’t have a cure and is chronic. I saw this as a pretty hopeless cop-out because we as parents and suffers need to always have hope because if hope is taken away then there is a serious failing somewhere.

I also @Appleblossom feel we need to look at the mental health act as that was often developed along the lines I have explained above. It lacks empathy for its clients and limits parents ability to help their adult children who are reaching out to us to help but the system says no and puts doctors or police as the guardians of social norms which are often flawed or open to personal misinterpretation.

Thats all for now Appleblossom. May you all have a great and pea’ceful day

[Dadcaringalone]

Dearest @Appleblossom

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.news.com.au/national/nsw-act/courts-law/beautiful-girl-not-a-sta...

The Courtney Topic Inquest outlined above has brought back all the traumatic events I experienced 2 years ago with my son who was experiencing severe psychotic symptoms of auditory and visual hallucinations and went into the local police station to receive help from the police.

When are the New South Wales Police going to start receiving more than one day of Mental Health training?

My experiences were very similar to the poor parents of Courtney and the police have a culture of protecting their own and I doubt the parents will ever receive an apology. After watching this case, I feel I am truly blessed to still have my son and I feel like the parents of children with Schizophrenia have a lot of insights to share with these poor parents. The coroner‘s report shows the police have a long way to go but I doubt anything will ever change from what I experienced. Maybe a class action should be put together against the New South Wales Police? Does anyone else have any other ideas about how to address this difficult issue?

[Appleblossom]

 @Dadcaringalone

Hoping that you are coping.

I will read the Rufus May link.

Yes Courtney Topic's situation was tragic, and there have been more.

It is not about punishing offenders in the police force either. The culture needs to change.

I was actually looking at recruitment for prison officers for a new facility out my way and was disappointed in their level of training too. 

I dont have miraculous ideas, but try and lift up those who have suffered and state the truth from my perspective.  

Take Care

[Libra]

Hi all, @Appleblossom@greenpea@Dadcaringalone

I just had to write to get some feedback...my son hasn't been well this week and asked me to buy him some tobacco, I asked why he didn't have enough money to buy his own and he told me that he bought "other things". I then asked, did you buy ice?

He said yes, I need it to get my head right and that he doesn't have it all the time.

He was telling me that he has acrylic straps in his back, fused to his spine and he has pain and can only lay in his bed all day, looking up at the ceiling. "They" put the straps in his back, and his relay is back in his head.(voices)

I'm extremely disappointed that he still uses ice. I told him that it will make him sicker.

He has an appointment at the hospital tomorrow and I'm taking him there....should I mention to his case worker or psychiatrist that he told me that he used ice??

My son usually gives me a talking to before we visit the hospital, re: what not to say, but I feel I should tell them.

I'm trying not to worry too much, and getting to the point where I can't help him if he continues to use this horrid drug. 

Hope everyone is doing well and coping the best they can.

Be grateful for any ideas on what to say or how to react. 

Cheers Libra xo

[greenpea]

Hi @Libra I would definately talk with the hospital staff about the ice usage. I don't have that problem with drug taking as my son is pretty high needs and is unable with his autism to either go or want to go and buy these kinds of drugs. Your son I am sure wont be happy about you saying anything but ice and schizophrenia sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. 

@Dadcaringalone Hi Dadcaringalone I hope you have been going okay. I haven't been that great but am slowly getting better so all is good.