16-05-2018 09:02 PM
Hi. I'm 37 and have been living with BPD since I was a teenager. I was diognosed a couple of years ago, though I think I have been in denial about it. I've done nothing to help myself and have recently lost my family. I've been abusing substances and have told myself that these have been my problem, not the BPD. I've finally woken up and am getting help. I think there would be a chance for me to get my wife and child back if I knew that recovery (I've never been more committed to fixing an issue in my life) wasn't going to take years. I don't have years. I know this wont get fixed overnight. I've let myself get to a point where I am so constantly miserable, angry, etc... My career is being affected, my home life is in tatters, I need to turn this around.
I need to know if you have gotten through this. What did you do? How did you do it? How long did it take before you started feeling a difference? Is this even possible? Sorry, I know these are a lot of questions. I've thought I could 'fix myself' but realise now that I need help. Hearing from people who have been there would mean a lot. Thanks to anyone who replies.
16-05-2018 09:33 PM
Hi there @jackson12. I am Eucalypt, one of the moderators here. Welcome to the forums. I hope that you will benefit from the conversations here. It sounds like you have really been doing it tough. Good on you for reaching out for help and on committing to improving your mental health so that you can feel a little more in control of what's going on in your life. Along with expressing your determination to get through this you also express doubt that this is really possible. Recovery is possible and there are plenty of members here who will be able to share something of their own experiences with you. Again, welcome.
16-05-2018 09:45 PM
Thank you @Eucalypt. Really hope to hear from people who have gotten through it, or through something similar. You're right, the doubts are there. Living like this for such a long time, just waiting for my life and self to get better organically... I want to get better. Be a better dad. Be present. Be able to cope. There has got to be more to life than this feeling, being this way.
16-05-2018 10:05 PM - edited 16-05-2018 10:15 PM
just wanted to drop in to say hi and welcome.
I think the most important thing is to get good support. Have you a psychiatrist or psychologist you see. I have BPD traits. It’s really hard to compare situations because BPD can be different for everyone. I suspect guys deal with it differently too.
I’ve gone through the DBT program and saw some people make real changes to the quality of their life and relationships. It can be slow going seeing change. I think my relationships with my kids (young adults now) is getting better all the time. I find I’m more able to stop and think. There was a module called interpersonal effectiveness skills in DBT which is good at helping with communication and more positive relationships.
I still have a long way to go in my development but also have a complex diagnosis too. Personally I’m still struggling with my moods swinging and emotion regulation but am wanting to work on that more now.
I think the advice I’d give you is to stay open minded. It’s easy to get caught up with this is the way to fix things. My experience has found that little parts come from many sources. Sometimes it’s on the forum when something clicks, sometimes from therapies like DBT, sometimes my mental health team and for me sometimes helplines. I think there are many new therapies to help with BPD now and I think it’s worth finding what works best for you.
Please be patient and seek support where and when you can. I believe you can do this. The hard part is unlearning the way we’ve always done things and learn new healthier ways to live our lives.
16-05-2018 10:36 PM
Thank you @Teej and nice to meet you.
I've lined up both a psychologist and psychiatrist this week. I've had both in the past but have exercised no follow through (only one or two sessions)... I thought I could fix myself, and didn't know (until recently) that you need specialists in BPD treatment approaches.. DBT is exactly what I will be doing, and I will definitely take your suggestion about the Interpersonal Skills Component. Very relevant.
I have been relieved to find this forum too. I used to attend AA meetings, and found hearing from other people was priceless. More valuable, often, than actual treatment. I am throwing everything on being okay this time. I need actual help. I need to stop pretending I am fine.
I have read recently that women are more prone to BPD, and that men and women are affected differently. Like you say too, there are so many little bits and pieces of the condition.
You're so right too, the hard part is the unlearning.
16-05-2018 11:16 PM
17-05-2018 01:05 PM
it's great that you recognise the issues Jackson12 and want to turn them around. You say you don't have a lot of time but you are only 37. I was 59 when diagnosed - and I believe BP was there from my teens!
I have found that basically you have to change your ways of thinking and of doing things. Rewire your brain. Sometimes it can't be rushed but it is well worthwhile. To begin with, you can change your behaviour, IE - I thought like this but I did that (deifferent) The end of each ady is a time to reflect and celebrate your achievements - even if there's only one, things are better than yesterday.
I don't know whether bipolar is different for men and women, but I do know that women tend to discuss things more. If your partner will meet you it will be a chance to tell her what you are working on. Don't hold back and wait till you're "better". By then she will probably be long gone. If you can make her part of the healing process, it will benefit you both in the long run.
Not ready for that yet? Nothing is set in stone. This is all about you - yes YOU NOW. What you did in the past doesn't matter any more, what others thin you should do or think of you is irrelevant . Part of your healing is to impact better on others so you will be taking care of that once you are ready. I wish you well.
17-05-2018 02:29 PM
Thank you @Wattle3 I am seeing her saturday and hoping this will help. I am devoted to change, but she is skeptical or keen to start over and not risk dissapointment/losing years herself. I'm trying to stay positive, but we all know what it's like to have these overwhelming emotions. It's a constant battle.
17-05-2018 08:38 PM
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