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HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

Casual Contributor

HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

My husband, has just come out of hospital after treatment with TMS for his depression, there seems to be no improvement at all. he has previously had over 40 ECT treatments and did suffer with short term memory loss. he has had 3 suicide attempts in the last 8 years, he ended up in ICU for these. Also many admissions to hospital. I have control of his meds now on order of his drs, i have also been advised to take away the shed keys as he told them he had thought of using the beam that runs across.

he did really well for about 18 month prior to this admission, but then had an injury at work and was reduced to 4 hours a day until he improves which hes been told can take 12 months. Now while he was in hospital hes been told he no longer has a job. As you can imagine this did not help the situation.

I have struggled through the last 8 years as best i can but after this last admission i felt like it broke me and had to have time off work as i wasnt coping with the situation. I was then questioned about the time i was taking off by my boss, i have had to use a lot of my sick leave as carers leave.

I just dont know what to do anymore i have done courses on depression i joined a group for carers( ARAFMI), but havnt been in a while.

I fear leaving him home but know i have to, but never know what im coming home to.

12 REPLIES
Moderator

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

Hi @Widget11,

Welcome to the forums it is nice to meet you for the first time on here Smiley Happy

Thank you for sharing your story. You have been on such a long journey supporting your husband and it sounds like the recent changes with his recent admission and job loss have hit you both so hard. I'm sorry to hear you also have some concerns from your boss questioning you. It is really great you are reaching out for support on the forums. I hope you find them helpful Smiley Happy

 

That is very challenging that you are afraid to go out for what you may come home to, but as you say it is so important you continue to focus on your own wellbeing so that your health is not compromised too. What would it be like to get back in touch with your previous support group?

 

I would really encourage you to have a look around the carers forum. If you would like to you can introduce yourself here, but you don't have to.

And just for a start Here is a thread where carers share their self-care tips, started by @Shaz51

 

Take care and welcome again,

Tortoiseshell

 

 

 

Senior Contributor

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

Hi @Widget11 and welcome

I am working at the moment but wanted to quickly touch base to let you know you have been heard and are not alone. I will try check in tonight but you can find some of my story here, I support my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder.

@Darcy who supports her husband with BPii has a thread here 

 

You will find everyone here most supportive and helpful. 

 

Casual Contributor

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

Thanks Guys,

 

Its been a long hard road thats for sure. it doesnt help now his employer has terminated him while on workers comp saying they no longer have light duties for him. I do have the union looking into this for us. They had previously assured us that his job was safe and they would look after him, now they have dumped him and fobbed us off to workers comp insurer, like its wonderful that he can get workers comp..its not he wants to work. When he sits at home alone he dwells on everything and thats when he goes downhill.

Senior Contributor

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

Hi @Widget11 sending ever so gentle thoughts your way. I too have had a long road. I too look after meds on pdoc instruction, these are collected weekly from the chemist as an added precaution. Thankfully he is on one that has made a huge difference keeping suicidal thoughts out. He has cognitive function loss so is not able to work as well as an orthopaedic deficit from an attempt which is causing him grief. 

 

I too worry about my work and time I had to take off - at present I am on 2 1/2 weeks carer leave - my FIL died - need to go interstate for funeral etc.  Am grateful I have plenty of sick leave up my sleeve. We had a 3 year crisis period which ended with Bipolar ii diagnosis and meds that have worked and I am finding that now things have settled a lot that I am struggling to find my equilibrium again and am still hypervigilant.  Getting counseling for myself has been really helpful as has been catching up with some other carers. I did a carer educatio class with Aspire that was really beneficial too.  The forum has been great too - people are happy to tell you how they coped and understand just how demanding it is to care for someone who is experiencing mental health problems.  @Shaz51 who also supports her hubby with similar issues and @Determined who also knows what it is like to have a suicidal spouse. There are also social pages where we can connect in a more lighthearted way - humour is one of those things that keep me going

 

Happy to answer any questions you have.

 

Darcy

 

Senior Contributor

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

Hi @Widget11 hope you are well. 

Sorry I did not get back to last night as promised, things are a little busy here at the moment. 

 

As @Darcy mentioned my wife (aka my darling) has had numerous suicide attempts with the most recent ~4 months ago. At that time we presented at emergency department and alarmingly they discharged her after 6 hours observation with the opinion that she was ok and I was over reacting.

 

We have been married almost 19 years. I left full time employment around 4 years ago partly due to burnout but also because my darling and 2 (now 3) young children needed more of my support. At the moment I am working g and studying part time. I am only able to do this with the amazing support of the uni. (I work at the university where I study). 

 

I also control all medication. I keep it locked away and put out out daily requirement each night but don't watch her take it. I probably should but that would not be well received and cause too many problems. I also have an arrangement with the chemist where I get an automated text message and email when ever a script is filled for our family. I have also had to get rid of all pesticides and like substances. Nothing stopping her getting more but it at least limits risk of impulse decisions. (Hope that is not too much info @Moderator) .

 

I am also happy to answer any questions. 

 

 

Casual Contributor

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

He is only allowed webster packs now and the chemist has all the scripts. he hasnt had an attempt for a few years now as he cries for help when the urge to do something hits..thankfully. That happened 5 weeks ago and he told our GP that he had thoughts  he was admitted to a mental health unit for 4 weeks then for the tsm treatmets. What got me though was they discharged him a day earlier than i was told he would be discharged, they sent him home in a taxi with his meds to an empty house! This was a private mental health hospital.

But yeah that statment from my gp threw me this time, i have stayed stong for the last 8 years mainly...but this time i completely fell apart, i had to have 3 days off work and then was questioned about the amount of leave i was taking even though i had a drs certificate. Now his work has told him there is no job for him anymore which has added more stress...we are seeking legal advice on this on friday though as hes currently on workers comp.

Highlighted
Senior Contributor

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

@Widget11

Work is so often a key factor in self esteem. 

 

Mr D ended up qualifying for DSP.   He bluffs his way when asked what he does but I know he feels bad he is not working. 

 

 

 

 

Senior Contributor

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

I can relate to Mr D re work @Darcy

At least now I can tell people I work at the uni. Just don't tell them it is only 5-10 hours a week. 

Senior Contributor

Re: HI there - Husband with depression and anxiety long term

Hope things go well for you in relation to current work enquiries @Widget11 and you are able to find some rest and calm. I know how hard that can be. 

 

Mental Illness Fellowship of Australia (NT), MIFA(NT) is a non-government organisation providing services for people living with a mental illness and their carer’s and families. 

 

Image credit to Louise Denton Photography

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