11-01-2019 05:21 PM
@Sahara. I totally understand this sense of loss. I have been best friends with my bestie for 40 years, but we don't have deep conversations at all.
I had an old friend that I used to get this conversation from, where we could talk about anything and everything. It was empowering to stretch my mind with our conversations. But our friendship ended, and so too did those meaningful conversations.
I miss my old friend. I think I miss our conversations even more. Leaves a big hole.
13-01-2019 09:06 AM
thanks for checking in. I wonder do you ever think about contacting your old friend from the past to see if the relationship could be revived? Please feel free to write about your thoughts. I would love to hear them.
I have an an old friend from the past who I sometimes think about contacting.... I actually still dream her, for some reason. In my dreams we are friends again, then in my waking life, I begin to wonder- could that happen? Could we even be friends again? But somehow I don't think so.
It was about 11 years ago that we broke up. I heard that she got married a few years ago and I was surprised... but happy for her. Now I have had no new news of her for about 5 years. There is one person I could ask... But I haven't spoken to her for about 5 years either! (mainly because I moved towns and she and I were not close.... we don't ever run into each other, but we are still friends on Fb.)
13-01-2019 09:22 AM
my friend who I spent the weekend with, the one who I couldn't have any kind of deep conversation with: well, I had to text her yesterday about something else and she text me back that she is really sick!
She he has been off work and everything, sick with some kind of virus. I was like; "wow, you could have called me! I would have liked to help."
She was just like; "there is nothing you could have done. I'm sick, that's all." She fell sick straight after our weekend together.
I dunno, if it had been me I would have been calling her up, asking "I am sick, are you sick too? Do you have a terrible virus, I hope you have not caught it too!?" Oh well, it's no big deal, I suppose we just have different communication styles and she doesn't feel much like talking about illnesses or whatever.
But I can't help thinking that she got sick because she was trapped with me asking her emotionally searching questions all weekend and she couldn't go there.... So her body just broke down with the effort of stuffing down all her emotions, all the time.
That at is my very amature diagnosis!!
13-01-2019 09:31 AM
@Sahara Why not make some enquiries. You never know what you will discover.
I did reconnect with my old friend 2 years ago. Was great having those conversations again. But after a few months he wanted no more contact. So that's that.
14-01-2019 08:37 AM
I think I remember about your old friend. It was really disappointing and upsetting for you. I don't suppose you feel the need to contact him now. Someone once said to me "never go back" when talking about relationships. I think when things end, it is for a reason and it's a good idea to always be looking forward, not back.
There is one thing I keep forgetting in relation to my old friend... she was actually part of the reason why I had my mental breakdown! Not that I blame her or anything, it's just the circumstances around her and I parting company was one of the triggers for my depression. But there were other factors involved too, of course.
If I saw her now, we might not even connect at all.... I think we were too different. I saw her through rose-coloured glasses while we were friends. I don't know, but I found her glamorous, artistic and worldly. She fascinated me. But those qualities - glamor and worldliness - are just very shallow things that don't mean anything. I might have been very shallow back then, that might have been part of my problem.
As for being creative, I am a far more genuinely creative person than my former friend ever was. I am the one who has solo exhibitions of my art. All she ever did was talk about it! She didn't actually make anything. She had one of those personas that draw you in, but behind it there was nothing much..... Again, of course she may have been very deep, only she did not know how to show it or else did not want to show it.
I have a theory that that everyone is in fact very deep, only they may not connect with their depth.
14-01-2019 10:51 AM
I agree @Sahara Never go back. And I wouldn't want to reconnect again with him. Once bitten, twice shy.
16-01-2019 09:10 AM
@utopia, once bitten, twice shy! You are so right. There are people in our lives who were meant to be there at the time, but that time is now over and we move now forward onto different things....
I think I am a particularly nostalgic person and I can think about the past too much. I don't know why I tend to do this... I wonder is it part of having a depressive nature? I am always thinking so much. So many people have come and gone from my life... I mean, so, so many... How many is too many? And am I to blame?
I probably blame myself and feel guilty about so many lost friendships, but I think I am often the one who initiates those break-ups, in a lot of cases. Either directly, or because I do something I just know I won't be forgiven for!
16-01-2019 11:36 AM
@Sahara - maybe you can think of it like you said. You have had so many people come into your life at the right time. But there time with you was never meant to be forever.
17-01-2019 07:16 AM
its ts onwards and upwards for me - and you I hope- from now on!
no use dwelling on the past anymore. There are so many opportunities for new experiences every day. ... I should be making the most of them!
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