08-09-2018 10:00 PM
Hi, it been almost 12 months to the day that I was told my hisband of 30 years has delusion disorder.He had been acting paronoid for a few years and I put it down to him being in a high stress job. His drinking had increased quit a bit , and soon I was to find out it had increased much much more than I had realised.Over the last couple of years he would say things like the neighbours were talking about him and he thought they had cameras on him. I think I knew something was wrong, but I had never heard of this mental illness before so I didnt really know what to think. Then he began to accuse me of having affairs with everyone we knew, including people I worked with,people from 30 years ago and close family friends. I was and still am totally devistated and emotianially destroyed. These constant accusations are tearing me appart. He has even said that out daughter is not his. I looked into a cupboard in our shed that I never look into and found over 15 empty bottles of vodka, I nearly died.That was when I realised that he needed help.He was constantly drunk so one day when he was blind drunk me and my 2 older boys dragged him to hospital. The only reason we got him there was because I told him I was checking my self in as he thinks I am the one with the problem.The Doctor told me he knew what was wrong with him after only 5 minuits with him.Delusion disorder.The doctor put him in the mental heath unit where he stayed for 3 weeks. He refused to see me for the first week and the doctor told me he was a very sick man and would be there for at least 6 months. he ended up only staying for 3 weeks, and looking back I see that he worked out the system very quickly and knew if he did what the doctors wanted to see they would let him out. When he was in hospital my neighbour rang me and said that my husband had rang him and asked him to take down the cameras he had put around the house before I found them. They had been put there to catch me with men when he wasent there.I told my neighbour to leave them there as I have done none of the things he thinks I am doing.I also found out that he had a private detctive following me around and he had tracking devices in my car and phone. He rang everyone we know trying to get evidence of me sleeping around, but of course there is none.People ,inthe first few months, were constantly ringing me saying that he is telling everyone that his wife is a sex worker ect. Thankfully, my close friends and family belive me but there are work associats ect that believe him which is very hard to take. I cant even go to the shop without him thinking I am actually having sex with some man. He has accused me of being a sex worker. This whole situation has put a hugh strain on my family. Before he was put in hospital , one night he became so verbally voilant I called the police as I could see it was going to get physicaly violant.There has never been any violanve in our family ever, I was terrified.This whole situation is totally unbelievable. Really I think I have done everything I can to help him, probably a lot more than most would have done. I am totally terrified as he will not be on a mental heath court order that says he has to have medication,in the form of needles once every 2 weeks, that ends in December. The Doctor has already said that he will probably go back to how he was before the medication. The medication only makes him carm and not violent, he still thinks I am doing all these terrable thinhs.What i am really asking for is someone to tell me should I get out while I can ????. This is a hugh thing for me to do as I love my husband, he has always been my protector my rock, but now he doesent seem to care about me at all. He doesent care that he malkes me cry all the time and insists that this is all my fault and there is nothing wrong with him.The decision to leave him is even harder because I think he is suicidal and me leaving will leave him open to heavy drinking and he has been smoking the funny weed as well.He is not the man I married,he is a stranger and I live in fear for when he goes off medication as he has had thoughts of killing me.WHAT SHOULD I DO?Can anyone help me??.
09-09-2018 12:07 PM - edited 09-09-2018 12:24 PM
Oh dear, if your life is seriously at risk you will have no choice but to place yourself in a safe environment, even if temporarily @Veronica2. And keep a close eye on your husband from a safe distance - as I realise you would not want to leave him in his darkest hour as he has been there protecting you all those previous years, been your rock. He is a very, very sick man who has had a mental breakdown and will need you but you must also ensure your safety whilst helping.
The combination of pot and alcohol would be contributing to his mental decline, hard to say what did what first, but for your husband to stabilise, he would have to get help to abstain and give up both completely, then to allow the medication to work to their best potential - mixing the three is toxic and such combinations have the potential to cause paranoia and psychosis on their own. Weed/ cannabis particularly can trigger paranoia and high anxiety etc. The latter can be a gateway also to harder drugs and there's a possibility he has had the odd recreational ones that can cause also his symptoms. He needs firstly drug and alcohol rehabilitation whilst understanding the appropriate medications in care.
He will need to go back into hospital - if he shows signs of violence towards you, others or himself call the mental health team as well to be scheduled. When in there and he has nowhere to return, he can ask for a social worker to help him with accomodation etc. If he is smart enough to learn and beat/deceive the system/doctors, he is smart enough to make steps towards recovery. This isn't fair on you. He has to be encouraged to help himself and although self harm is a possibility, Carers can't be exposed to serious harm for that reason. I have/am in a similar situation but different age, circumstances. If we have done all we can to help - and they are violent etc, they have to then work it out.
It may help a lot for you to ring "Mental Health Carers of Australia" and tell them what you have posted here - how you fear for your safety. They will be able to give you more advice, info and resources of what you can do. Also there are organisations you can contact to help loved ones who partners etc with mental illness have drug and alcohol dependency they would also help. Hope everything settles soon. Take care of yourself.
09-09-2018 12:29 PM
17-09-2018 09:51 PM
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