25-07-2018 04:55 PM
Yep very big and very little, the mini dashies are always threatening to tear the wolfhounds to pieces through the fence, needles to say the wolfhounds are not impressed. Thanks for being here.
Thanks Faith, I am alone on the farm now and the forum has been a lifeline, realy appreciate it.
Worse today than yesterday, my daughter is having a hard time aside from the seperation and I am getting hurt because of it. Back to shacky hands, stress, anxiety and long bouts of not being able to cope. I don't feel like I am wining the fight, feel like I have nothing left. Not doing well at all.
Thank you @Twinklelight good to meet you, thanks for the thoughts and time.
25-07-2018 08:09 PM
Sorry to hear your day has been so hard @Wanderer I hope you can wind down and get some rest tonight. Take care my friend.
25-07-2018 08:21 PM
Hi @Wanderer It is great you've met other forumites.
I am glad you dont need sleeping tablets. They are dastardly things.
Farm dogs are a different breed to city dogs.
I have good farm memories from my teen years. The experiences helped me sort out the wheat from the chaff. Seriously they helped ground me and helped me survive.
Would you be able to manage on a smaller farm or a couple of acres?
Transitions can be difficult, but keep in mind your daughter needs you long term and try and picture a practical way through the minefield that often comes with separations.
25-07-2018 10:33 PM
My sister arranged for a friend to come out to the farm for dinner and spend some time, was good and realy apreciated as he went a fair way out of his way to do so and was happy to do it.
Still setting in a little though now it is bed time. Have a movie and a book so should be fine.
Off all tabs now, have to be on top of things and simply can't afford to be on them, pay the price but there is no option.
Going to be hard moving the dogs to a location near neighbours as they aren't used to them.
I found scaling down from thousands of acres to the hundred and fifty that we now have was a big step and to reduce further is a big challenge, just need to reassess what I want from life now.
The seperation minefield is only part of a much larger battlefield and as bad as it is, not the major part.
She definately needs me, ( ). Is very hard.
11-08-2018 04:51 AM
Hello @Shaz51Thanks for the mention re Friday feast.
Not well at the moment so I know there are others I should mention, and I have not been very responsive to the forum, barely making it through each day.
My issues are more than I can cope with so I have sought help from counselling.
Am having severe anxiety attacks multiple times each day now and throughout the night.
Have asked for another appointment with my counsellor but can only get a possible meeting on Monday, not sure if that is soon enough.
Feeling physicaly ill from it with stomach pain and dizzy moments. Am keeping people updated on how I am doing so am being helped and watched. Am at my sisters at the moment.
Needing someone right now but is the middle of the night. My anxiety is sitting on around a 9 out of 10 average all the time now.
11-08-2018 07:07 AM
Oh @Wanderer that level of anxiety is just awful.
I'm glad you are at your sister's place.
I went through a period of prolonged high anxiety after my husband left. Before that I would not have believed it was possible for it to go on so long. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
I have a good GP who made time for me, and checked in frequently. There were a few experiments with medication. In the day time it wasn't helpful - just felt equally anxious and sedated but it did help at night so I could get some rest.
Doing very basic, practical things also helped a little bit. I managed to walk around the block with someone, very slowly iron an item of clothing. It was almost impossible to eat, so I made milk drinks just to keep me going.
With you friend. Really hope you get a bit of relief today
11-08-2018 08:24 AM
I am hearing you too.
I began experiencing anxiety attacks around three years ago when my husband was at his most emotionally aggressive. In hindsight I can see that I had some similar (but different) experiences earlier in my marriage when my controlling mother in law was out of hand, and I was under extreme pressure with sick kids and a work-absent husband.
At the time I couldn’t recognise the symptoms as belonging with anxiety attacks because I had not known people who could be so oppressive.
The form of emotional chaos we have at the moment is passive-aggressive. I know from what you have written before that you know all about that too.
I am so glad your sister is there for you, that you are receiving medical support, and that you ar here talking with us .... people who have experienced something similar and who understand what you are going through.
I agree with @frog .... take whatever minimal steps you can to get through each day.
It’s a bit like an earthquake .... there are big shocks, then series of smaller aftershocks, but they do diminish with time and care.
Your one job at the moment is taking care of you.
11-08-2018 09:14 AM
Yes ... current and ongoing here too @Wanderer, but your health is under greater strain. Keep taking those steps of self-care .... the intensity of this moment will pass .... things will progressively change ....
11-08-2018 09:36 AM
Siting here talking with my sister.
Anyway I need to let you know a little more now. This is hard but I need to do it.
I am seeing Laurel House for counseling. It is being delt with by the right people and I hope can work out, I am a complete mess and need help as well. Child protection will be talking with me as well, helping us. She is safe now but a mess.
Laurel House is putting safety measures in place. The other kids are suffering as well.
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