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Casual Contributor

Schizophrenia for the lose

Hi all,

First of all, thanks for the forum, and for contributing to it. It's nice to know that although we have gone through hard times, we can share or experience and be met with respect.

Also, please don't be offended by my name, that's just how I feel right now. I mean no offence, happy to change it if it offends anyone.

My story is schizophrenia - in 2014 I started believing I could talk to people telepathically. I'll spare you the details, but it's fair to say I was NOT in touch with reality. It lasted for a while too, about 20 month of being psychotic all day everyday.

But one day I realised it was all in my head, well it's not as simple as that, but essentially I eventually decided the voices weren't real.

Since then I've been on medication that actually "works". I mean, it has side effects, but I prefer them to hearing voices. That was about a year ago now, and I think it's fair to say things are on the up and up.

I got allot of help along the way... I'm one of the lucky ones.

Anywho. Just thought I'd put myself out there as an example of someone who lived the nightmare and I'm will to talk about it and other people's issues in the hope of helping others through a tough time.

That's all for now.
Senior Contributor

Re: Schizophrenia for the lose

@oncewassane. Welcome and thank you. It's good to hear that once you sought help, the medication has made a big change to your life.IIt's important to hear these positive stories.
I hope others who are struggling with a new (ish) diagnosis of Schizophrenia will read of your journey.
Thanks again for sharing.
Community Guide

Re: Schizophrenia for the lose

Hi @oncewassane and welcome! 

I can relate a whole lot to what you have written. There are still days however where I struggle with my reality, over 10 years since I first became unwell.

Permanently in Wonderland. We're all mad here...
Casual Contributor

Re: Schizophrenia for the lose

Hi @Queenie.

I'm sorry to hear you have been through it too. I don't wish it upon anyone. That goes for any mental illness! I remember in my younger days thinking "I'll be okay, I will always have my mind.". Then my mind gave way... It's truly disconcerting.

Sometimes I find it frustrating second guessing my senses. Just recently I became paranoid that I imagined a person who I interacted with. When I think about it clearly I'm almost completely sure it was a real person, but I'll always have a slight doubt.

So, although I'm doing much better than I was, I'm not back to normal, and I'm unsure that I will ever be. I have slowly felt things getting better over time, so maybe that will continue, but I'm pretty set on not becoming complacent.

Maybe this is a too personal question for a public forum... Don't feel obliged to answer! Have you felt like you have improved over time? Or is it more like ups and downs? I ask because I'm curious as to whether I might continue to improve over time or have more struggles here and there - though of course or experiences might be completely different.
Senior Contributor

Re: Schizophrenia for the lose

Hello @oncewassane

Thank you for writing part of your life travels here.

Your wanting to help others is so commendable.

I did not know how to reply on first reading your thread.

I am experiencing a very frightening, unknown time in the relationship with my adult son.

He believes that all government departments, websites are. Corrupt. He also tells me that he an no longer visit any government site as they are hacking into his computer and trying to murder and torture him.

He wants me to help him leave the country.

I don't know how to reply to him anymore. I have said that he must feel very frightened. He writes back that I a not listening and if I don't help him I will never see him again. He uses this emotional blackmail line of bargaining all of the time.

what can I say to him to help him? How can you reassure someone who is delusional. I don't know where he is exactly only the state. He fled home state at end of CTO and is on no medications. He believes that psychiatry is corrupt having been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

please do not upset or stress yourself in replying. I do not want to upset you in any way.

I think that you are very courageous a d caring.

Casual Contributor

Re: Schizophrenia for the lose

Hi @mohill,

I'm sorry to hear that your son is going through hard times. I know that it will be incredibly concerning for him, but also incredibly difficult for those that love him. My thoughts are with you.

There's a couple of things I want to say. Firstly, for me, it was always important to know that I had someone to talk to. Just knowing that there was always someone I could share my feelings with was important. Sometimes I would question my delusions, and being able open up to someone was important. So I think you've got that covered!

The other thing is that in the height of my delusions I would have thought that anyone questioning my beliefs would have made me think it was some kind of deception. Of course I don't know what it is like for your son, so that may be different. On the other hand, if someone had have asked me for evidence of my delusion, I would have been forced to question my unreality (unfortunately no one did, but that's ok). Over time it was little things that led me question my unreality, and eventually I forced myself to prove to myself that my delusions we're true. Alas, I couldn't prove them, so I escaped.

That said I'm not a qualified health Care worker, so I really don't know how to talk to unwell people. I want to help unwell people, and if confronted with someone who is delusional I would probably ask them to explain it and provide evidence as a matter of interest. But I would tread carefully because I know it's easy to distrust people when delusional.

I wish I knew exactly what to say to people who are delusional, it's not a nice way to live. Overall I think compassion and empathy are key.
Senior Contributor

Re: Schizophrenia for the lose

Hello @oncewassane

thank you so very much for taking the time to respond.

what you have written makes sense.

I try very hard to steer away from acknowledging his diagnosis. Early in the piece I asked a question and such a cold icy tone in his response as he screamed at me "did I think he was crazy?" 

I replied that I could make no such diagnosis of anyone as I had no qualifications. He accepted that.

Since the increased number and alarming tone in Skype messages I now find myself treading even more carefully on eggshells. Am so frightened that I will lose all contact with him which was far worse. At this minute 

I cannot believe that it could get worse.

I try to tell him how much I love him, had a period before leaving for this overseas trip where we spoke on the telephone and I was able to tell him that all I wish for him is a better quality of life. He responded well then and was settling in his new house that he got himself, don't know how perhaps with some help from men's homeless shelter where he was briefly.

so if I go off track re feelings etc he becomes very agitated and cold with me.

I am beginning to think that my being overseas is affecting his delusions as he now wants us both to becomebritish citizens and live here.

I am going to reply that am back in Australia within 8 days and will follow up later cannot get through on phone now. See what happens with that reply.