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Whiteknight
Senior Contributor

Loneliness

One of the problems we have with a mental illness is we are more alone than others. This can be and usually is, regardless of having a life partner.

 

It doesnt mean we cant love our partner as much as others do. In fact our mental illness has given us the capacity to love others more with our mental illness in terms of the extra compassion we can possess for others, our partner of course would be the recipient of that extra care, some compensation for the negatives of putting up with us.

 

However, we can also go through isolated periods. We can in fact have numerous loved ones or aquaintances lingering in close proximity and still feel lonely. This feeling "like an island" is one that, if you feel the same as I do, its like watching your own movie in a cinema. You might also feel you are thinking to yourself and the voices of people talking is like a distant echo. In my view this "loneliness" is a sign of being troubled. The worst cases I've had with that feeling is pre phychosis. That detachment is not a good feeling and I was powerless to do much about it in the short term.

 

What helped me was the then pending direction of fine tuning or changing my medication, removing those toxic people that were the worst of my triggers, working close with my GP and smell the roses (in my case retiring). Such changes made enough impact to stop the psychotic events, my last some 5 years ago. I understand most aren't in the situation where they can retire or give up work. The next best thing is to change jobs or relenquish the full time job for 2-3 part time jobs. Changes in job environment every 3 hours or so is better for us than 8 straight hours 5-6 days a week. And I'd also promote never to enter into your own business unless your "abled" partner is the driving force and you the part time supporter that isnt fully relied upon.

 

Some people like loneliness. We all know the sad souls locked away as depicted in old movies. Someone knocks on the door and the curtain moves but the door is never answered. Comfort in ones own world is ok as long as basic health care, family communication and safety is adhered to. So please make sure that you get energetic on the odd occasion and visit your GP regularly. Otherwise there is nothing wrong with being alone for long periods.

 

My wife and I lead a quiet country life and twice a week we visit the nearby larger town to do our shopping, a coffee and cake outside a cafe. Not close to the isolation I've described above but with little contact with our towns locals we are quiet and somewhat isolated. Had I not married my lady 7 years ago I would be like a lonely lighthouse keeper....

WK

 

 

BEACON OF HOPE

His old legs carried him
All the way to the peak
Three hundred steps to work
And all but one of them would squeak

 

He’d endeavour to maintain
That the lighthouse would always shine
And that that was his prime objective
Till the end of his own lifetime

 

All clear and he’d descend
To play chess with his distant mate
Eight thousand miles away
On an island of wind and slate

 

He thought his saddest day
Was when his mate had lost life’s race
But then he found it even sadder
When he didn’t know his face

 

The bitter pill had come
When gadgets took his place
The locals understood
This keeper with the angry face

 

So for the last time
He climbed the coiling stairs
To polish the mirror that saved the sailors
And gently wipe his tears

 

They gave him a cleaning job
In an office by the shore
And until his heart gave up the ghost
His grudge he’d always bore

 

Then one day a boy came by
And asked “are you lighthouse Jim”
He stood erect and answered yes
And the boy photographed him

 

He didn’t see the connection
That he’d made some history
The last human lighthouse keeper
To light the light that lit the sea….

 

Whitenight

14 REPLIES 14

Re: Loneliness

Your posts are so inspiring @Whiteknight

You have been through a lot but still have energy for giving wise tips and cheer.

Smiley Happy

Have you read the "Light between the Oceans" an Australian novel?

Smiley Happy

MrTee
Casual Contributor

Re: Loneliness

I experience loneliness as well due to social isolation, I have a few good friends but most of them now have families and or have moved interstate, one to the country.  I'm working on joining a tai chi club to help boost my mood and maybe meet some new like-minded people.  I find I tend to drink heavily when I get really lonely, this is a habit I have to break as it doesn't help my depression in the long term.

Re: Loneliness

Hi @Appleblossom

 

Thankyou. no, I dont read much at all, never have, I havent got the focus. Its one reason I was initially misdiagnosed with ADHD rather than bipolar.

Re: Loneliness

Hi @MrTee

 

You have insight at least in your condition and are making a positive move towards helping yourself. I recall the radio personality and now senator Derryn Hinch after his liver transplant moving from wine to non alcoholic wine. Seemed to work for him.

BlueBay
Senior Contributor

Re: Loneliness

Hi @Whiteknight another interesting post. 

I find I feel lonely at times. Even though I’m married with children loneliness strikes me. And it’s a horrible feeling. At least I still work part time snd do have very regular appt with therapists snd my doctor. I see my baby grand daughter a few times a week - but still feel lonely. 

It’s hard to explain why I feel like this - I just do. 

 

Re: Loneliness

Hi @BlueBay

 

I have some theories. Humans are aware of so much reality. We know about the universe, science  and maths as examples...far more intelligent than any other animal.

 

So, we are also insecure. Insecurity  comes  from not having sufficient confidence within our own skin to perform many tasks alone without others input and team an ship. So if you feel lonely its maybe due to the fact that you you are indeed alone in life as an individual which for some isnt an issue, for others is always a problem. 

 

This insecure  persona is not often  repairable for mature adults imo because the damage of self image has embedded itself. Our learning and adaptational ability is not like a childs. So we have to go through life with our damaged and fragile makeup and make the most of  a bad situation. Again, it comes down to acceptance.

 

Unfortunately, other people might not be able to provide our bottomless buckets with the support and company we require to not feel lonely. Such insecurity gives us few options to remedy. We can plough into activities we are competent in so our esteem grows like being an expert in a field (crafts, proffesions, sport) or we can accept that feeling lonely or alone isnt a bad thing...it only feels bad for us types because we are more needy as we are insecure.

A poor example but meercats, ducks, geese and birds are family oriented whereas  a tiger could survive alone quite well.

WK

Re: Loneliness

Hi @Whiteknight

I’ll try to write what I understand from your reply:

 

I think because of my broken fragile childhood because of my sexual abuse and toxic mother who didn’t give me any love has made me feel lonely. 

I do struggle deeply with insecurity and self esteem and confidence. And I think this also stems from my childhood. 

 

If if I learn to gain more confidence and self esteem within myself then hopefully I wouldn’t feel so lonely. 

@Whiteknight Does this make sense to you ?

 

Re: Loneliness

Yes. Im not a qualified mental health person @BlueBay so its my own opinion.

Your past has messed up your confidence and likely other things. If you have natural abilities in ANY area and you focussed on that, became somewhat expert in your field, it can boost your self esteem.

Ive known a quilt maker that entered shows and won but she couldnt boil water or talk to others, a model train enthusiast that made his own buildings and carriages and a violinist that was a master but never went shopping. All these people gained some confidence far more than had they not had their passion and stewed over a past they cant erase.

Do you have a passion?

WK

Re: Loneliness

Hi @Whiteknight 

do you mean hobby? I do enjoy knitting and crochet. I enjoy walking along the beach. I enjoy having coffees with hubby at local cafes. I enjoy spending time with our grand daughter. I enjoy going away and sight seeing. 

I have thought of putting my knitting and crochet on a website page and try to sell. Need to get my daughter to set up for me. 

Is this what you mean?

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