Battles

[Dreamy]

@NightFury if only it was that easy. I have to mask my emotions, not allowed to feel them. 

I needed something to try to cheer myself up and I found this. 

 

[Dreamy]

@Bunniekins my mother and my oldest child have completely turned against me and i don't even know why. It's the only family I've got or had. I bumped into my mother and my 2 kids at the shops and it was just so awkward and I had to fight back tears for the rest of the shopping trip. 

[NightFury]

@Dreamy wow! What an amazing puzzle. I love it. Are you gonna do it?

[Dreamy]

@NightFury i will at some stage. Have to clear my table off to be able to do it. I've still got the last puzzle that I haven't finished yet on my table but I might quit on that one cos it's too much for me at the moment. 

[NightFury]

@Dreamy keen to see it when it's done.

[Dreamy]

@NightFury i will post a pic when i do it. 

Really trying to hold myself together at the moment. My head is pounding, add in the combination of intrusive thoughts and urges, it's just not a great space to be in. 

How goes things for you? 

[MJG017]

Hey @Dreamy 

Thanks for the check-in.  I'm okay.  I just have been keeping to myself and just trying to not get overwhelmed.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened at the shop, it must have been so incredibly difficult and emotional.  I can't imagine what it's like to have your own child turned against you.  Kid's do get older and wiser though.  They start to understand life a bit more and hopefully they eventually see the truth and want to reconnect with you.  I didn't meet my mother until i was 50.  I spent my whole life wondering why she had rejected me when I was born.  But i learned things that changed so much about what I thought was the truth.  And the short amount of time I got to spend with her meant so much to me.  There's always a bond there.  Hopefully your kids know this, and reach out out to you eventually.  It just may take them some time to find out that truth, or at least question it... or just become curious about it.  I'm just sorry that you find yourself in such a painful situation like this.

And I agree with @NightFury... letting those tears flow can help.  I'm not too afraid to admit it happens quite often with me these days.  That pressure has to go somewhere.  But at the same time I do get that fear it would hold for you to let go of that control.

[NightFury]

@Dreamy it's been a really up and down day. Filled with good bits and challenging bits.

I've cleaned my house, did the groceries, booked in a catch up with a good friend for next weekend, did some drawing, and ended up getting motivated to get some wood delivered which I'm now slowly stacking and very grateful for because it's freezing. 

I feel like it's been distraction on top of distraction, but that's how I'm getting through the day after calling that service, freaking out and skidaddling. 

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 understand. I know how hard things are for you, still always here for you ❤️. 

It just hurts that things weren't like this up until a few months ago. Now it's just all gone to sh!t. There's so much more to it but i can't say it on here which makes it even harder cos I don't have anyone to talk to. It was ok when I could ring sane to chat cos they knew everything but I don't have that anymore. Its just a different and messed up situation and it's really tearing me apart no matter how hard i try to put on a brave face. We have always been close and you wouldn't have known anything was different despite the fact that we didn't live together. I'm so glad you did get to meet your mum and that you can treasure that time that you got to spend together. 

It's just that if I let go of any of that emotion, I'm not sure I'd be able to stay in control and right now that's a scary and dangerous situation for me. So right now it's not an option not unless I've either got someone with me (which we all know isn't going to happen) or I'm on the phone to someone and they manage to hit that nerve. 

[Dreamy]

@NightFury at least there's been some good bits mixed in with the challenging bits. 

You have done alot, so well done. 

That's my days everyday, distraction after distraction. But if it works well then that's a win. 

I had to strip my bed and wash everything after Casper had a little accident 😂. Wasn't what I had planned for the day and it's hardly sheet drying weather so my dryer is getting a workout.