16-09-2017 02:44 PM
As a person who grew up without boundaries I am realising how natural it is that establishing boundaries is not my forte.
I probably perservered with building connection for far too long.
What do people think of this simple difference between caretaking and caregiving?
16-09-2017 04:13 PM
wow @Appleblossom, that was real interesting
I am caretaking and not caregiving
My mum has always said that I look after everyone else first before myself and she is worried that i am "losing myself" who i was
16-09-2017 04:31 PM
I came across this article earlier this year when I was searching for answers, (may ha e been my new councillor who suggested I look it up), it was a real eye opener for me. I have been very much a caretaker for my wife through her illness. Instead of helping it would seem that I have enabled dependence and self destructive behaviours.
For the last couple of months I have been working on new boundaries with the support of my councillor. It has actually gone much better than either of us expected . We have never had boundaries in our relationship, i have always done whatever I could to keep my darling happy and yet so often have been accused of being controlling and been the object of resentment by my darling .
Currently working hard on transitioning to caregiver role.
16-09-2017 04:53 PM
I am impressed by your commitment to your spouses and very open to learning.
I like the idea of sharing generally about caring and love in this thread. Especially that it is not just about binary opposites as men and women, or parents and children.
I valued my "coping style" which is described as active on that site
In a weird way I had caregiver attitudes and always strived for independence and growth of skills in all 3 of my children but have to face situation that there has been a caretaker outcome. Maybe that is due to the open family structures I have been repeatedly involved with.
This is probably a silly thread with
me thinking aloud, but Thanks for answering.
The site also says that to be a "good" caregiver one has to be clear about boundaries. Such a lot to learn about them ... lol
It is not a dictionary definition but living solutions for togetherness and boundaries that I need.
I am deeply wary of only looking at boundaries.
16-09-2017 05:13 PM
How to increase the caregiver role? That's a hard one shaz51, something I am only achieving with the support of my councillor. But for me it has started with new boundaries and better self care. Which reminds me, I have not been back to see my councillor for ages because again I have been too busy focussinb on everyone else anf have not had time for myself.