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Community Guide

Caretaking and Caregiving

As a person who grew up without boundaries I am realising how natural it is that establishing boundaries is not my forte. 

I probably perservered with building connection for far too long.

What do people think of this simple difference between caretaking and caregiving?

http://mhr4c.com.au/coping-strategies/caregiver-vs-caretaker/

 

 

Community Guide

Re: Caretaking and Caregiving

wow @Appleblossom, that was real interesting

I am  caretaking and not caregiving

My mum has always said that I look after everyone else first before myself  and she is worried that i am "losing myself" who i was

Senior Contributor

Re: Caretaking and Caregiving

@Appleblossom

I came across this article earlier this year when I was searching for answers, (may ha e been my new councillor who suggested I look it up),  it was a real eye opener for me. I have been very much a caretaker for my wife through her illness. Instead of helping it would seem that I have enabled dependence and self destructive behaviours.

For the last couple of months I have been working on new boundaries with the support of my councillor. It has actually gone much better than either of us expected .  We have never had boundaries in our relationship, i have always done whatever I could to keep my darling happy and yet so often have been accused of being controlling and been the object of resentment by my darling .

Currently working hard on transitioning to caregiver role. 

Community Guide

Re: Caretaking and Caregiving

Thanks @Determined and @Shaz51

I am impressed by your commitment to your spouses and very open to learning.

I like the idea of sharing generally about caring and love in this thread.  Especially that it is not just about binary opposites as men and women, or parents and children.

I valued my "coping style" which is described as active on that site

In a weird way I had caregiver attitudes and always strived for independence and growth of skills in all 3 of my children but have to face situation that there has been a caretaker outcome.  Maybe that is due to the open family structures I have been repeatedly involved with. 

This is probably a silly thread with

me thinking aloud, but Thanks for answering.

The site also says that to be a "good" caregiver one has to be clear about boundaries. Such a lot to learn about them ... lol

It is not a dictionary definition but living solutions for togetherness and boundaries that I need.

I am deeply wary of only looking at boundaries.

Community Guide

Re: Caretaking and Caregiving

on transitioning to caregiver role. @Determined, @Appleblossom, I know this may seem like a strange question -- where do i increase the caregiver role xx

Community Guide

Re: Caretaking and Caregiving

It is a very important thread @Appleblossom, thankyou ,we need reminders along the way , and there are sooo many carers that are in the same boat as us xoxo

Senior Contributor

Re: Caretaking and Caregiving

Agree with @Shaz51, this is a very important thread @Appleblossom

How to increase the caregiver role? That's a hard one shaz51, something I am only achieving with the support of my councillor. But for me it has started with new boundaries and better self care. Which reminds me, I have not been back to see my councillor for ages because again I have been too busy focussinb on everyone else anf have not had time for myself.